Washington DC-- The nation's top astronomers met behind closed doors with the president and military leaders at the White House this morning. The astronomers had grim news from Outer Space-- the sun is dead. It looks like it died on Election Day. The last sunlight will reach Earth in 'about a week' said the astronomers.
President Bush held a somber joint news conference with famed astronomer Karl Saygun after the meeting. Both men were fighting back tears as they faced the bright cameras and curious reporters.
"We just pronounced the sun dead. This is the end of the world. I suppose it's poetic justice this happened on my watch." said the stunned president.
Next, astronomer Karl Saygun gave some information on the sun's untimely death.
"The sun never developed sunspots this solar cycle. We noticed this early this year. We knew something was wrong. Neutrino emissions from the sun stopped in August and we became gravely concerned. On November 4th, the solar wind died. That means the sun stopped breathing. There is still a lot of leftover heat and light, but this will fade to black very, very soon." said the sad scientist.
Dr. Saygun then sat down and began crying billions and billions of tears.
Funeral plans for Old Sol were pending at this time. The sun is survived by eight planets and a number of moons and comets.
"We took our big yellow friend for granted for so long. We will miss its cheerful warmth." said Dr. Saygun.