An Al Qaeda Terrorist plot has been foiled by the humble British Rail Transport platform attendant, claimed the British Rail Transport Authority (RTA).
Earlier this year it was made illegal to stand on a platform and look shifty, which the RTA claimed destroyed all the carefully laid plans of Al Qaeda's British cell and kept the trains running an hour behind schedule (except on the Western line, where the replacement buses were within ten minutes of the schedule, or 'on-time' as this is termed).
This has also resulted in the detention of nearly every train spotter in the notorious Isle of White Terrorist Detention camp.
"Our member numbers are dwindling," said Neil Downs, head of the Society of Spotters. "The mere appearance of a notepad on a train station these days can see an immediate arrest. Our members dare not take their usual paraphernalia of Vimto, cameras, camcorders and shoulder launched missiles. That last one is a joke, by the way. We don't really take rocket launchers onto train platforms. We're there to spot trains, not destroy them. Honest."
In the past, a platform would not be complete with a gaggle of anoraked men eagerly writing down the number of every locomotive that passed by, to take it home and compare it against the thirty thousand other numbers they had diligently recorded. Now their presence is conspicuously absent, though passengers may see the occasional furtive camera phone, shortly followed by three ex-rugby players bringing the terrorist down.
"We cannot be too careful," said Nicole Menn of the RTA, "If just one terrorist slipped through, they could disrupt the British rail network across the country. And that's our job."
