New England Patriots "Spy" Tapes - Not What NFL Commissioner Expected
Former New England Patriots employee turned over the eight tapes to National Football Commissioner. All eight tapes were to show footage of the teams that were videotaped and the value of the tape's content that New England received from knowing...
Read full storyTV Celeb Barbara Walters Admits To Long Affair With U.S. Senator
A secret, hidden for the past 30 years, has finally surfaced for the general public. Famous U.S. TV news commentator and reporter Barbara Walters, 78, your standard white bread TV personality, recently admitted to a several-year affair with a two-ter...
Read full storyVomit Used To Feed The World
To help the worldwide food crisis brought on by President Bush, hundreds of barrels of manatee vomit made into loaves were shipped in to the hideously disgusting African port of Ngumbobzuti Zhambouti on cargo ships this week.
Read full storyGrannies hit by HIV
It has long been known among the criminal class that sharing needles can lead to the spread of sexually transmitted diseases such as Hepatitis B and the dreaded AIDS. Due to this the government made it one of their many, many priorities to target the...
Read full storyNew York's George Washington Bridge Demolished By Mistake
When People awoke this morning and heard the news, that The George Washington Bridge which carries motor traffic between New Jersey and New York City, wasn't standing anymore, everyone thought it had to be a joke.
Read full storyGiant sinkhole appears at Predator Chapel Ranch two days before Jenna's wedding
Crawford, Texas - (Nuptial Mess): A huge cavity has appeared at the Predator Chapel Ranch home of President Bush two days ahead of daughter Jenna's wedding to Henry 'Hagar the Horrible' Hagar.
Read full storyHeroin Users 75% More Likely To Be Successful
Figures out today suggest that heroin and crack cocaine users are 75% more likely to achieve success in the creative arts and music industry than non-drugs users.
Read full storyOz Clark admits wine is just 'alcoholic grape juice'
Wine boffin Oz Clarke today let the cat out of the bag and exposed the Wine World's biggest secret - it's all a pile of pretentious tosh.
Read full storyNews from the Future- 20 Years from Today
WASHINGTON May 8, 2028 - The final plot of habitable public space in the United States not continuously monitored by a surveillance camera finally came under the eye of the lens today in barren northern Alaska.
Read full storyBBC newsreaders laugh openly at ITV's record fine
Announcing the £5.68 Million fine levied against ITV for fixing the results of a series of telephone votes by the media watchdog OfCOM, a number of the BBC's best-known anchors were seen to smirk and mouth obscenities while the entire News 24 cre...
Read full storyTorch Tops World in Tibet
The Olympic flame--a special low-oxygen version--made it to the top of the world. Reuters reports: "Beijing student Huang Chungui passed the flame to ethnic Tibetan woman Ciren Wangmu, who trudged the final steps unaided by oxygen to hold the t...
Read full storyBin Laden Buys DVD Camcorder in U.S., Eludes Capture Again
LOS ANGELES- In what the FBI is describing as a stroke of bad luck, Osama bin Laden narrowly escaped capture at a Los Angeles electronics store on Thursday after purchasing a DVD camcorder there.
Read full storyUma Thurman marries obsessive stalker
In a surprise move, Uma Thurman has married a 37-year-old man recently found guilty of stalking her.
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe suffers Prick injury after Jumping up and Down on a Cock
Harry Potter star Daniel Radcliffe is recovering at his home in Cheshire, England after pricking his bottom on a needle he landed on while bouncing on a cock of hay for a scene in his latest film 'The Boys in the Barn'...
Read full storyThe story begins!
This story tells the woe-begot tale of 'Andy Pandy Sugar and Candy Big Smile Sam Spanker Steph Lover Fluffy Silky Moo' hereafter to be known as Apscbsssslfsm and that of those he meets on the journey of his life.
Read full storyBush 'loves' 24
The US President George W. Bush has revealed that he is a huge fan of popular TV series 24 which stars Keifer Sutherland.
Read full storyThe Fatcats Club: "Caution: You're About to Enter a No-Shame Zone"
Bill O'Reilly opened his eyes once the make-up girl had finished powdering his forehead, and looked quickly from one side of the studio to the other. "Margo?" he yelled when he couldn't find who he was looking for. "Margo? Where the hell are you?"...
Read full storyRupert Grint's First Kiss
He maybe me gorgeous beyond belief, he may have a couple of million stashed in his bank account, he may even be the owner of a shiny new ice cream van, but Rupert Grint has never kissed a girl before, or at least until recently he hadn't.
Read full storyDermot O'Neill hired by Chelsea to returf Stamford Bridge
Chirpy Irish Horticultarist Dermot O' Neill has been commissioned by the club to carry out some work on the pitch ahead of their crucial clash with Bolton this Sunday.
Read full storyNew Minister for Stealth Taxes appointed
In the first of many expected monthly reshuffles as a result of the recent local elections, the MP for Little Wittering, Wilma Leggrobach, has been appointed Secretary of State for Stealth Taxes.
Read full storyBig Brother Pete Admits That His Tourettes Was Just An Act
Pete Bennett, the winner of Big Brother 7, has admitted that his trademark characteristic of Tourette Syndrome was a gimmick he used specifically to win the £100,000 prize.
Read full storyAhmnodt Heare - Questions and Answers
Every week, we will interview presidential candidates and offer insight into their campaign and their beliefs.
Read full storyWills, Harry & Stephen Hawking audition for Thunderbirds the Remake
Ealing Studios, London - (Ass Mess): Princes William and Harry and Prof Stephen Hawking are to audition for a new remake of Thunderbirds the Movie.
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe hints at permanant name change to Harry Potter
Daniel Radcliffe, the star of Harry Potter movies has hinted that he is considering permanently changing his name to that of the young wizard he portrays.
Read full storyWASPS strike back
Following my breaking news story last year, that Wasps are just Spiteful Bastards, Walter the Wasp from Winnipeg, a leader and spokesman for the Coalition of non- prejudicial treatment of stinging insects (CONPTOSI) has prepared the following statement:...
Read full storyYo Ho Bloody Ho - the festering season is nigh
It's behind you (oh! no it isn't - oh! yes it is etc.). It doesn't seem like such a long time ago, and yet it's nearly with us again. In fact, it's always nearly with us again. Or is it just that it never went away?...
Read full storyBritain's Got Talent Axes Piers Morgan, Who Hasn't
Britain's Got Talent, the TV variety show that tours Great Britain attempting to discover quality entertainers from the country's mundane and miserable ranks of misfits, has sacked one of the show's three judges,
Read full storyFritzl blames Oedipus Complex Variant
Amstetten - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Austrian incest nutter Joseph Fritzl has blamed his mother Unity Valkyrie Mitford Fritzl for the mess he finds himself in today.
Read full storyBeijing sounds death knell for Ratzinger
Vatican - (Ass Mess): Subtlety was not the theme of the day on Wednesday as the China Philharmonic Orchestra performed an unprecedented concert at the Vatican featuring Mozart's Requiem Mass for Pope Joe Ratzinger.
Read full storyITV fined for broadcasting 'drivel'
UK broadcaster ITV was today fined a record £5.6m by regulator OFCOM for the 'never ending stream of puerile drivel spewing from a mediocre network with no sense of quality control'. ITV is said to be conducting a phone-in poll of its board o...
Read full storyDerby County announced as Premiership Champions!
Derby County have been announced as Premiership Champions after all the nineteen teams above them in the division were revealed to have been involved in the largest match-fixing scandal since Juventus in Serie A two years ago.
Read full storyShut It Down Screams Ramsay At Food Crisis Meeting
"You can't even make a risotto?" Gordon Ramsey shouts at the UN Food Crisis Management Meeting today. "Shut it down, shut the kitchen down."...
Read full storyNASA to announce important discovery
NASA are due to hold a press conference on Wednesday 14th of May to announce the discovery of an object that 'we have been searching for, for over 50 years.' Experts are divided on what that discovery might be however we have put together thi...
Read full storySarah Beeny - She who MUST be obeyed
A forthcoming episode of the hit Channel 4 programme, Property Ladder has been withdrawn when one of the featured developers took onboard 'every bit of advice' that Presenter Sarah Beeny gave them.
Read full storyMaybe it's because I'm a Londoner
The Board game 'Monopoly' is facing yet another dramatic change with the traditional squares of Regent St, Coventry St, Old Kent Road, Waterworks, Electricity Board and Marylebone Station making way for new areas of London.
Read full storyA foreigners guide to the U.S. Election process - Part 1 Nomination
The United States of America was formed in 1776 after the British gave up arguing and went home. Since then the citizens of the United States have created an electoral process that is the envy of dictatorships and banana republics all over the world.
Read full storyJapan rocks: magnitude 7.1 earthquake may presage return of Godzilla
Beijing (Xinhua) - A magnitude 7.1 earthquake hit off the east coast of Japan's main Honshu island at 0:45 a.m. Thursday, according to China's earthquake and giant lizard monster observatory network.
Read full storyGive Peace a Chance - The Truth Behind John's Lyrics
As John Lennon's lyrics go up for auction in July the truth about why he wrote the song is finally revealed in lost tapes from the Dakota building discovered by Liverpudlian comedian Stevie Riks .
Read full storyPrincess Beatrice caught shoplifting
London - (Pilfering Mess): A frantic damage limitation exercise has kicked into place after silly Puppet Monarchy tribute artise Princess Beatrice was caught shoplifting in a London store.
Read full storyChelsea Move For Duckworth
Chelsea, who are known to be keen to offload their current manager Avram Grant, are planning to steal actor Jack Duckworth from under the noses of their not-so-fierce northern rivals Manchester City.
Read full storyTop UK Clothing Chain Profits Down By 89%
A top UK clothing retailer, has announced that its pre-tax profits are down 89% for the year ending April 2008, fuelling speculation that it may have to shed jobs throughout the organisation.
Read full storyAn Englishman's Home is his Castle
A Double freestanding wardrobe in up market Chelsea, London, England has gone on the market at £1.8 million after it was converted into a one bedroom flat.
Read full storySexy Socks help Nerds get laid
An enterprising geography teacher has designed a pair of socks that will help remove the nerd from the herd. As a bonus, they can be worn in bed without giving a girl the creeps.
Read full storyKen Livingstone suspected of Whaling
It is not known for sure, but 'Red' Ken Livingstone, the former Mayor of London, is thought to be one of 3 people who are responsible for the sacking of one of Britain's best-loved or most hated radio presenters. The othe...
Read full storyMexican Taco Looks Like Vagina
Across the world there have been images on trees, rocks and even the sky that have reminded people of God, Jesus, his mother and all kinds of natural and supernatural phenomena.
Read full story75 College Students at SDSU Arrested for Drug Dealing!
San Diego State University has been the site this week of one of the biggest drug busts on a college campus in US history.
Read full storyNewt Warns GOP: Change or Die!
Newt Gingrich used some lessons from his life to preach to the Grand Old Party about how to survive in this tough environment:...
Read full storyBush and New Old Bush Block Better GI Bill!
Bush and new old Bush, Johnny McC are opposed to a better GI bill for US troops because soldiers may leave the military after a while to go to college.
Read full storyUFOs abduct wombats in Australia
New evidence from Australia indicates that wombats are being regularly abducted and hybridized with humans.
Read full storyBarbara Walters admits to masturbating
Long time television interviewer Barbara Walters admits in her new tell-all book that she has masturbated secretly several times during the course of her long career.
Read full storyMost Dangersous Job - Mime
Scientists and loafers, slackers, and losers at the Invisible Box University have determined that the most dangerous job in the world is a mime. A mime is more than 25 times more likely to die on the job than a crab fisherman or a test pilot. It...
Read full storyRonaldo: I showed Ladyboys my ball skills
Beaver-faced Brazillian striker Ronaldo admitted having sex with three ladyboys in a hotel-room in Rio De Janeiro but says "I only realised they were men after I had fellated all of them. Now I feel deeply ashamed."...
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