LOS ANGELES- In what the FBI is describing as a stroke of bad luck, Osama bin Laden narrowly escaped capture at a Los Angeles electronics store on Thursday after purchasing a DVD camcorder there.
"He came up to the counter and said he needed to upgrade because people are complaining about the crappy video tapes he keeps putting out," said a store employee who spoke on the condition of anonymity.
"I recognized him immediately and buzzed the office. My manager came out and whispered to me to stall him while she called the police. A few minutes later, she called me back and told me I was crazy and to get back to work.
"So I sold bin Laden a sweet Blu-Ray camcorder. I even talked him into a service plan. He paid with a credit card. Had his name on it and everything. Go figure. Everything we get from him from now on will be in high definition.
"I asked him why he came all the way here in person to buy a camcorder, and he said that the tariffs in Pakistan and the charges to get something delivered to his cave are insane. No terrorist on a budget can afford them. He had to come personally because after seven years, he's finally run out of #2 guys.
"I can't believe my boss told me to let twenty-five million bucks walk out the front door. But I got a nice commission."
Two store employees who attempted to detain bin Laden after he made his purchase were fired on the spot by the store manager and kicked off the premises. Several customers who then tried to stand in bin Laden's way were detained by store security for shoplifting, and no one was allowed to leave.
Bin Laden continued browsing the store for another twenty minutes after the confrontations. He even took a few minutes to discuss the acoustics of his cave with someone in the audio department.
As dozens of stunned customers saw bin Laden being allowed to leave the store, FBI agents rushed past him at the door with a forty man SWAT team and screamed for everyone to get down.
The agents ordered a lockdown and repeatedly ignored assertions by customers that bin Laden had walked right by them. One man was butt-stroked in the head with an assault rifle for disobeying orders to stay down and pointing out that bin Laden was leaving the parking lot by helicopter.
After searching to no avail, the authorities arrested the customers detained by store security, charging them with shoplifting, obstruction of justice, and abetting a fugitive.
"Without interference from untrained and disloyal individuals, we'd have him in custody now," said FBI spokesman Barry Justice.
By the time Transportation Safety Authority personnel at Los Angeles International Airport were alerted to his presence in the vicinity, bin Laden had already departed on a flight to Indonesia.
"How he got past us, I don't know. His bags were neatly packed and he had no oversized liquid containers. It's Thursday. People are already thinking about the weekend. The Lakers are on a roll. Hey, we'll get him next time," said TSA spokesman Ima Dumas.
U.S. troops stationed near the Afghanistan-Pakistan border have been placed on high alert in hopes of nabbing bin Laden should he attempt to return to his hideout via the worst route possible.
