Britain's got Altnet - Simon Cowell's new show for dyslexics
Simon Cowell, millionaire owner of incredibly, false-looking, implanted, Dulux-white teeth, who shot to fame and fortune by simply being a lucky bleeder in the right place at the right time, announced today that following on from his hit TV series &q...
Read full storyMartians Warn Baseball Great
ABC News has learned that, since landing on Mars, a message with strange characters has been taped to the external lens of one of the Phoenix Mars Lander's videocameras.
Read full storyOlympic Stadium costs spiral out of control
London 2012 officials have announced that the final cost of the Olympic Stadium could exceed one trillion (a 1 with many noughts after it) pounds, approximately 3,571.43 times the original estimated cost. Officials say the increase is primarily due t...
Read full storyMPs vote to reestablish autocratic monarchy, public beheading
Britain is to become the world's newest dictatorship, ending centuries of contentious parliamentary rule and the farce of a purely ornamental monarchy.
Read full storyLassie To Become New American President
In a surprise move, the White House today announced that Lassie will be the next US President.
Read full storyAnger Over Sharon Stone's Quake Remarks
There was much anger today over actress Sharon Stone's remarks that an earthquake was 'bad karma.' She made this claim after a tremor hit southern California yesterday, but refused to take it back.
Read full storyBush Declares War on Rocky Mountains
President Bush announced today that these terrorist mountains caused tornadoes, hail and floods by launching leftist cold-hearted air to attack righteously-roaming warm air from the Republican Gulf of Mexico.
Read full storyKylie Is Not In The Top 40 Today
Singer and actress, Kylie Minogue, is yet again not in the top 40 today.
Read full storySpace Station Crapper Crippled
The crew of the International Space Station awoke to discover the toilet out-of-order this morning, requiring use of the "outhouse", otherwise known as the Soyuz escape capsule attached to the station.
Read full storyBritish Man Escapes Death By Laser
A lucky British man escaped being cut in half by a giant laser while strapped to a metal table by a wealthy German evil genius. James Bond was captured and taken to a top-secret lair located inside an artificial volcano, where he was...
Read full storyCan we fix it?
Jimmy Saville and Bob the Builder are currently in legal entanglements over who owns the copy-right to two words - Fix and it.
Read full storyThis Land Is My Land
The anti-immigration militia group "Patriots Against Immigration and Naturalization" (PAIN) have released their version of the song "This Land is Our Land" called "This Land is My Land".
Read full storyIsle of Man to add fourth leg to flag
The Isle of Man has announced today that they will add another leg to their flag.
Read full storyNo fatalities in tube train crash - politicians blame Network Rail
A major incident, earlier today, thankfully saw no casualties when an underground train from the Bakerloo Line ran aground off the coast at Ramsgate in Kent.
Read full storyIntelligence Tests For American Presidents
The FBI today announced that American Presidents will now have to undergo intelligence tests, before becoming the leader of the free world. This follows decades of Presidents with varying degrees of dumbness, and even outright senility, and the new m...
Read full storyCat's name change
Following news that a Man in Finchley is being forced to change his Cat's name from David, a man in Nottingham has offered his name in exchange for the moniker of David.
Read full storyBush Shocked That McClellan Is Shocked
In a statement today responding to Scott McClellan's claims that the former White House press secretary had been shocked to learn back in 2006 that President Bush had been having him fabricate tales for the American public's consumption, Pres...
Read full storyOil Prices At A 30-Year Low
Governments around the world breathed a collective sigh of relief this morning when, despite the price of oil reaching a record $140 per barrel, it was officially announced by OPEC that the size of barrels is now bigger than...
Read full storyKnifed teen was not 'life and soul of the party' or 'loved by everyone'
In an unusual turn of events, it was revealed that Dean Fenton, 17, of Peckham, who was stabbed to death last night in an apparent dispute outside a KFC, was not 'the life and soul of the party', 'loved by all who met him' or indeed &...
Read full storyBournemouth bans fire extinguishers as a danger to fires
Very sensible risk assessors in Bournemouth - known as 'Wrinkly City' - have decided that fire extinguishers are to be banned from high rise flats in the city.
Read full story24-hour drinking not being taught properly says Archbishop
In a scathing attack on the drinks industry, the Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Atkinson, riding high on the success of his new movie "Archbishop Bean", is one of several cross-religion senior clerics to slam 24-hour drinking.
Read full storyNVQ in drug taking for professional criminals announced
Now that judges have deemed it fitting that thieves who steal to fund their drug, alcohol or gambling habits should be spared jail, Leicester University has announced an NVQ in drug taking, gambling and binge drinking.
Read full storyJohn Bolton dismisses Hay-on-Wye arrest rumors
Hay-on-Wye - (Spying Mess): Former Bush Administration under-secretary of state for arms proliferation John Bolton has laughed off suggestions he faces imminent arrest at a Hay-on-Wye literary festival lecture where he is due to talk about getting aw...
Read full storyLisa Nowak dissidents suspected behind trashing of ISS loo
Outer Space - (Bodily Functions Mess): Sympathisers of former NASA astronut Capt Lisa Nowak are the main suspects behind the trashing of the International Space Station's only on-board lavatory according to reports today.
Read full storyPutin fielding rent-a-mob at Chevron AGM
San Ramon, California - (Rabid Russian Mess): Russian Prime Minster Vladimir 'Mad Bad Vlad' Putin has planted over 1,000 rent-a-mob mercenaries to disrupt Chevron's annual stockholders' meeting in San Ramon today after a bitter decade...
Read full storyUK sub captain 'high as a kite' on disastrous Russian Navy spying mission
Dead Sea - (Capt Marko Ramius Mess): The Israeli security/intelligence (sic) service has claimed that the captain of a UK submarine that crashed into a 100-tonne consignment of Russian cocaine on the Dead Sea bed was 'stoned and incapable' wh...
Read full storyGet ready for National Stand Still Day
The Home Office has launched plans for a National Stand Still Day next month so it can properly count the number of foreign immigrants in the UK.
Read full storyGordon Brown aims to win Chelsea by-election
Prime Minister Gordon Brown believes the Labour party has a good chance of winning the job at Chelsea after the departure of Avram Grant.
Read full storyLow fat food surplus conspiracy uncovered
Shoppers were dismayed to find that their favorite brands of yogurt, cheese and party dips were unavailable for days, then weeks at a time.
Read full storySigns of life found by Mars probe
The Mars Phoenix lander has sent back historic pictures from the red planet that indicate life did once exist there.
Read full storyMugabe offers Food
After the recent wave of xenophobic attacks, food price riots and demonstrations in South Africa, Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe has come up with a novel solution.
Read full storyBritain's Youngest Case Of Juvenile Dementia Reported
A boy from Coventry has become the youngest-ever reported case of an affliction that is sweeping Britain, when he was diagnosed by his mum as suffering from Juvenile Dementia. Sharon Chavez, of the Burberry Estate in the city, said her 5-year-old...
Read full storyHigh oil prices due to 'Magic Pixies'
The extraordinarily high global oil prices are the result of actions taken by Magic Pixies, Gordon Brown heard today. At a meeting with the UK's top Oil executives they explained how it wasn't their fault, Gordon Brown explained it wasn't...
Read full storyHull City To Become The 'New Bolton Wanderers'
Experts claim Premiership newboys Hull City are the 'new Bolton Wanderers' and bear all the hallmarks of the Trotters, being physical, gritty, resilient, and prone to booting the ball forward rather than pass...
Read full storyFDA Warns Botox Causes Infection and Death
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - The FDA has announced that after intensive investigations it has determined that Botox injections lead to infection and death.
Read full storyHuge Flying Reptiles Ate Hillary
With a name like T.clintonus rex, you'd expect to be safe from even the fiercest Paleolithic bullies, but it turns out that ancient, flying reptilian pundits have been snacking on Hillary, Bill and even young Chelsea Clinton with...
Read full storyCardiologist Sues Largest U.S. Fortune Cookie Company for Failure to Provide Fortunes!
A San Francisco, California cardiologist is suing the major company supplying fortune cookies to 80% of the U.S. Chinese restaurants.
Read full storyNY Times Reports: Wide Spread Interest in NCAA Women's Wrestling Federation!
Just as women's sports have been declining in interest across the western world, the NY Times reports today that the CWWF, College Women's Wrestling Federation is arousing spectators.
Read full storyNASA Drills on Mars!
The Bush administration has been rebuffed in its every attempt to rip into the earth and even the bottom of the sea in search of the black gold that has obsessed its every top official from W through Cheney to even former oil company legal eagle, Bus...
Read full storyMiles and Miles of Cyrus and Enema after Enema of Emily, What! Son!!
thespoof.com Entertainment and Gossip segment has announced its winning poem in reaction to the 2008 contributions to the column:...
Read full storyRonnie Love, Obama's Down Low!
What better handle for a Presidential Candies Back Door than Ronnie Love?...
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