The FBI today announced that American Presidents will now have to undergo intelligence tests, before becoming the leader of the free world. This follows decades of Presidents with varying degrees of dumbness, and even outright senility, and the new measures should end such embarrassments.
The first President to show signs of brain damage was John F Kennedy, who travelled all the way to Germany, in the 1960s, to announce 'I am a donut!' And he was followed by other cretins, such as Richard Nixon, who kept lying when he knew all the evidence was sitting on his desk in plain view, and Ronald Reagan, who didn't even know what planet he was on, let alone who his wife was.
The final straw was the current President, George 'Clyde' Bush, and it would take a whole book to list his idiotic behaviour, not just an article. Recent stupidity has included telling the Queen she visited America 200 years ago, and telling a Palestinian that it wasn't 'kosher' to drink coffee without whiskey in it.
Of course, the tests might be more effective if they were carried out on all candidates for the presidency, but that would mean there were very few candidates left, so the tests will only happen a few hours before the swearing-in ceremony. To pass, the new President must be able to speak English like an adult, learn where the other 99.9% of the world's population live, stop talking about race and other 1700s ideas, and stop arming fascist dictatorships.
Abraham Lincoln is 12 today.
