Mugabe offers Food

Funny story written by Limnothrissa

Wednesday, 28 May 2008

image for Mugabe offers Food
Zanu-PF supporters queuing up to vote

After the recent wave of xenophobic attacks, food price riots and demonstrations in South Africa, Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe has come up with a novel solution.

"We can send several thousand tons of maize for distribution to the hungry South Africans" he said in a recent speech while campaigning for the run-off election due to be held on June 27th.

When asked where this maize will be sourced from, he responded "The World Food Programme has been supplying Zimbabwe with free maize for some time now, in fact since I took over all the farms and gave them to my friends to ensure my election victory in 2002. As we are now only handing it out to ZANU-PF party members and MDC supporters are getting nothing, we have plenty of stock to export, as the most of the people in Zimbabwe are MDC. We are not known as the Breadbasket of Southern Africa for nothing." he said.

The Zimbabwean leader Robert Mugabe also said his government would offer land to Zimbabweans in South Africa who came home, and invited experienced farmers back to Zimbabwe. When journalists asked if this included white Zimbabweans, "There is no such thing! We kicked all white Zimbabweans out long ago, and have taken their citizenship away. Let them all go and starve in the Imperialist Colonialist Demonist countries where their ancestors came from" he said. "We are not racist, we just needed to ensure loyalty, so we used the farms and after all they are only a few whites" he said.

A former Zimbabwean white farmer now growing maize in a neighbouring country commented "This is a much, much better arrangement. We now grow maize here and sell it to the World Food Programme for hard currency, US Dollars, not the worthless Zimbabwe Dollars they print now, and they give it all to Robert Mugabe in Zimbabwe for free!" he said "at least now we get paid in real cash!"

When reporters asked if President Mugabes offer would be a gift to the South Africans, he replied "Unfortunately Zimbabwes current economic situation means we will have to charge for this. We have a serious cash flow problem as my wife is due for another shopping trip in Paris. I have to pay for my mansion in Harare, my jaunt to the World Food Summit and we need hard currency to bribe everyone before the next election. They are refusing to take Zimbabwe Dollars due to the minuscule inflation rate of 1.7 million percent. Besides we have just received a large bill for urgently needed election materials such as bullets from China." he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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