Dead Sea - (Capt Marko Ramius Mess): The Israeli security/intelligence (sic) service has claimed that the captain of a UK submarine that crashed into a 100-tonne consignment of Russian cocaine on the Dead Sea bed was 'stoned and incapable' while commanding a spying operation on dissident Russian Navy vessels.
"We'd monitored him ever since the crew dined at the Sharm El-Snake Kebab, Sheesha and Hasheesh Bar last Wednesday," a Mossad PR source told reporters.
"The restaurant's Sea-Weed Surprise amuse-bouches are notorious for this sort of thing."
The news follows earlier reports that the nuclear-powered HMS Superb had hit "some red rocks" - codewords for Russian cocaine - while trailing the Oscar II-class Boris Yeltsin submarine in the Dead Sea's perilous depths.
The Middle Eastern 15,000ft deep hypersaline water-feature lies in the Jordanian Spliff Valley and is accessible only via tributaries of the River Jordan that feed its murky depths during the rainy season.
Veteran mariners say that its sea bed is a well-known graveyard for drug-smuggling vessels and their opportunist savage operation scavengers.
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