Albert Twaddle Held On Terrorism Charge
Albert Twaddle, the man who found the missing government al-Qaeda dossier and delivered it by hand to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, has been arrested by police and charged with various offences under the Prevention of Terror...
Read full storyTony Benn To Star In Movie Version Of Mr Benn
Former MP for Chesterfield, Tony Benn, is to star in the title role in a movie version of the David McKee-created children's TV character, Mr Benn.
Read full storyGreggs Pull Off Military Coup In Britain
Greggs the bakers today took over Britain in a sudden military coup. Martial law will begin tomorrow, and anyone visiting any other shop will be detained without trial indefinitely. There was little surprise at the action, as for years every stree...
Read full storyCollege Drinker's Alphabet
A - Alcohol: The key to surviving college. B - Beer: The most disgusting alcohol of all, but great for chugging.
Read full storyTiger Woods kills Bald Eagle with golf ball
The U.S Open was marred Monday when Tiger Woods killed a Bald Eagle with one of his tee shots.
Read full storyWinehouse pregnancy rumor
London - (Ass Mess): Singer Amy Winehouse was rushed to North London's Royal Freak Hospital after fainting at home over a line of coke.
Read full storyAt Last - Big Brother Gets Intellectual!
After nine series it seems the public has finally been granted the Big Brother moment it has wanted all along. Last night's episode provided viewers with the kind of titillating moment they have been expecting since the show's inception in t...
Read full storyHot Hollywood Headlines - Weekly Wrap
DON'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS Over the weekend, a pest-removal company trapped and removed 788 rats from an infested house in Sutherland, Oregon. No police report was filed after they learned it was just President Bush holding a cabinet meeting.
Read full storySen. Larry craig to start escort service
Idaho Sen. Larry Craig announced plans to open an escort service in Minneapolis this summer. The escort service is reported to be located just minutes from the airport, clients will have the choice of escorts coming to their home or the option of goi...
Read full storyBill Gates caught buying the new Iphone
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates was caught earlier today buying the latest Apple Iphone. This comes as a great shock to many in the industry as Apple and Microsoft have been fierce competitors for the last several years.
Read full storyChe Guevara Honored In New York City
Che Guvera, legendary revolutionary leader born 80 years ago today in Argentina, was honored in New York City, at a special ceremony...
Read full storyLocal IKEA store collapses, authorities blame shoddy construction
Authorities are still trying to determine what caused the total collapse of a local IKEA store yesterday morning, which resulted in 17 people losing vital parts of their flat-pack kits.
Read full storySalt Lake City to import 3,000 gay actors in anticipation of Broadway-style theater
It may prove to be one of Salt Lake City's most creative and promiscuous imports to date.
Read full storyMansonette Plays Sympathy Card
In August of 1969, actress Sharon Tate was two weeks away from giving birth to a child. On the night of August 8th, she was stabbed 16 times by Susan Atkins and friends. She died pleading for the life of her baby. The last words she heard were &qu...
Read full storyBrown and Bush Warn Iran
Gordon Brown and George Bush have warned Iran not to 'act like an uncolonialised, independent sovereign country.' Mr Brown said: 'The people of Iraq and Afghanistan are very grateful to our 2 countries, for turning the area back into the Middle Ag...
Read full storyDick Durbin Inks Two Book Deal to Re-Wright Devine Comedy
When Rep. Dick Durbin was asked about Maureen Dowd's article in the New York Times concerning the Republican's targeting Michelle Obama:...
Read full storyIt's My Funeral!
Recently, I attended a "wake" and it gave me pause. While my life has been devoted to family and service, no small part of it has also been devoted to sarcasm, cynicism, and irony intermingled with equal portions of low- and high-brow humor.
Read full storyHello! and OK! bidding war for wedding photos hots up
With less than a week to a wedding in Merthyr Tydfil, and despite the imposition of a media blackout, the bidding war between Hello! and OK!, the two main social magazines featuring that sort of thing, has heated up to near boiling point.
Read full storycarina-eta Falls Out Of Top 20 - Rescue Bid Planned
Spoof writer carina-eta today announced pre-tax losses of nearly 2000 points, as she fell out of the Top 20 ratings for the first time in several months. Investors have been notified, and are planning a rescue bid.
Read full story'Chuck Berry isn't white', claims John McCain
Today Republican election candidate John McCain made the astonishing claim that rock'n'rolling legend Chuck Berry isn't white.
Read full storyChanel No 5 launches Mademoiselle Hogwarts
Paris, France - (Olfactory Mess): Fabled Parisian perfumier Chanel No 5 has launched a new fragrance for punch-drunk Harry Potter fans called Mademoiselle Hogwarts which combines traces of Daniel Radcliffe's pheromones and JK Rowling'...
Read full storyGravity is wrong
New research suggests that the forces of gravity may not be due to the Earth's inner core consisting of dragon's blood as has long been thought.
Read full storyStone of Destiny is dinosaur excrement Scottish scientists claim
Hollyrood, Scotland - (Soothsaying Mess): Scottish scientists believe they have found the holy grail of all fortune telling whoppers after carbon-dating the fabled Stone of Destiny.
Read full storyPoisonous Hydric Acid Now Widespread in Environment
Philadelphia PA -- University of Pennsylvania scientists announced today that deadly hydric acid has wormed its way throughout the biosphere. The caustic poison is also in many consumer products, especially tomatoes, baby food and all frozen foods. T...
Read full storyVideo Game Superstar In Steroid Scandal
Hayward, California - Today, in breaking news, video game superstar, Sonic The Hedgehog was arrested with a pocketful of performance-enhancing steroids.
Read full storyDavid Davis Didn't Resign; Claims He Was Pushed
David Davis, the Conservative MP for Haltemprice & Howden, who was reported to have resigned his post last Wednesday, has said in an interview in the Mail on Sunday, that he didn't resign, but was, instead, pushed
Read full storyBret Michaels Announces New Reality Show
Hollywood, California - Today in entertainment news, Poison singer/"Rock Of Love" star Bret Michaels announced that he will be starring in a new reality show, entitled, "Am I Your Babydaddy?"...
Read full storyNew Chelsea Coach Strict Disciplinarian Scolari: Just Ask My Wife!
Scolari's reputation as a strict disciplinarian precedes him as he takes the helm of Chelsea football on July one. His present and former players say things like: He's his own man...Keeps his own counsel...demands respect.
Read full storyScots Twice as Likely to Kill Self and Others, Not Necessarily in that Order!
The BBC reports that a recent study of mental health in Scotland shows a dramatic north-south divide over homicide and suicide.
Read full storyMcCain Fundraiser: "Head her and Hoof her and Drag her through the Dirt!"
RepublicanTexas Oilman, Claytie Williams is a McCain fundraiser who once ran against famous Texas Governor Ann Richards. It was during that campaign that the man who has raised thousands for McCain talked of heading, hoofing and dragging his opponent...
Read full storyThe Earth Opens
Large sections of the Earth didn't disappear today, as earthquakes didn't open the Earth's crust.
Read full storyGerman Chancellor Merkel Refuses to Kick a Bush When it is Down!
During the W failed well tour of Europe, a place the dolt had never visited until it was required by the job, European leaders were kind and considerate to the President with a 30% approval rating in his own country.
Read full storyStarry, starry night
After my encounter with Osama Ben Laden, in the veggie market of Kabul, I returned home to spell out the details to my partner. Using a magnifier, we examined the images in the translucent precious stone given to me by Osama. They were very impressive, particularly the image of a hooded crow.
Read full storyConstitution Declared "Unconstitutional"
The United States Supreme Court upheld the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals decision that the United States Constitution is unconstitutional.
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