Local IKEA store collapses, authorities blame shoddy construction

Funny story written by Bullshattuck

Monday, 16 June 2008

image for Local IKEA store collapses, authorities blame shoddy construction
A piece of wood from the true cross. Now selling as a stylish designer kit from IKEA.

Authorities are still trying to determine what caused the total collapse of a local IKEA store yesterday morning, which resulted in 17 people losing vital parts of their flat-pack kits.

According to witnesses, it was around 10:14 am that customers at IKEA noticed that the walls of the store began to wobble. Items - such as DINGYERA dinnerware and FUKKJO mirrors - began to fall and break. Customers and store employees were reported to have ducked under ASSPELICK beds and FEELJABALLS kitchen islands in an attempt to protect themselves from falling debris.

Within a matter of only minutes, the entire store had collapsed on itself, damaging countless IMPALER stools. While most escaped the wreckage, it was unknown at press time the extent of any injuries.

"It was absolutely terrible," stated customer Marjorie Southland. "There I was just minding my own business, buying modern do-it-yourself furniture at affordable prices, when all of a sudden large sections of the roof began to fall on people."

While the causes of the collapse are still being investigated, preliminary reports suggest that the foundation of the store consisted of little more than particleboard, while the supporting walls were simply 'twisted' into the roof.

Said Charles Frederickson, chief investigator: "It's still too early to say what caused this collapse, but I would be willing to bet that it was simply a case of shoddy construction. Seriously, who uses insulation consisting of little more than plywood? And supporting beams held together with tiny wooden dowels? I wouldn't even build a bookcase using tiny wooden dowels, let alone an entire furniture store."

IKEA headquarters declined to comment on the collapse, although they did send out a press release stating that the destroyed IKEA store would be rebuilt "within a week and a half."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more