Salt Lake City to import 3,000 gay actors in anticipation of Broadway-style theater

Funny story written by Bullshattuck

Monday, 16 June 2008


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image for Salt Lake City to import 3,000 gay actors in anticipation of Broadway-style theater
"There is nothing you can name..."

It may prove to be one of Salt Lake City's most creative and promiscuous imports to date.

Salt Lake City Mayor Ralph Becker announced in a press conference Monday that beginning November 4, 2008, Salt Lake City will begin importing gay actors from Broadway. The imported homosexuals will provide a foundation for a Broadway-style theater, which Becker intends on bringing to Salt Lake City along with his brother Bill Becker.

While the plans for bringing the gay actors from New York City to Salt Lake City are currently being held up by the planning commission, Becker was able to confirm that the queer thespians would "be brought over on buses," "a lot of alcohol would be involved" and "showtune sing-alongs will be mandatory." The gay actors will be chosen for their theatrics, their charisma and their cattiness, and eligible candidates will audition before a committee that decides who will be sent to Salt Lake City.

"As our plans for opening a Broadway-style theater progressed, we realized that we lacked the workforce to support it. We contacted various community theaters and school theater departments across the state, but were only able to come up with a dozen gay actors, 11 of which came from BYU's Young Ambassadors. We ultimately decided that our only option left was to import the gay actors," Becker said.

When asked why he had chosen November 4th as the first day to begin importing the gay actors, Becker responded "Have you ever attended a gay party around Halloween time? Every gay friend I've ever had has told me that they need at least three days to recover from the post-Halloween hangover and anonymous sex." To thank the imported queers for their dedication to Salt Lake City, Becker said the Broadway-style theater's first production would be a Judy Garland revue.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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