The BBC reports that a recent study of mental health in Scotland shows a dramatic north-south divide over homicide and suicide.
The "Lessons for Mental Health Care in Scotland" report was commissioned by the Scottish Government.
There were 500 killings north of the border over five years and 5,000 suicides over six years.
British mental health experts were asked to explain the disturbing Scottish situation. Dr Angus Harry Cary blamed it on the heather: "The damned stuff joost groows and groows. No wonderrr we feel sueycidal!"
Professor Cashen Dachips of Edinboro Community Health Center and Suicide Parlor disagreed:" This iz naught a bohtanical phenonmenon. It's cuulinary. If ye had to stooff yer stomach wit a stomach stoofed with oooats, yoo'd be alookin for a noose too, laddie."
