Hollyrood, Scotland - (Soothsaying Mess): Scottish scientists believe they have found the holy grail of all fortune telling whoppers after carbon-dating the fabled Stone of Destiny.
"Just as we suspected," Prof Hamish McSporran of Loch Ness University said today, "the ancient wedge is a Triassic lump of dinosaur shit.
"Tests show it dumped on Scotland by an ovulating female relative of the late Queen Mother by a Tyrannosaurus Regina specimen during the 'time of the month' Cretaceous period.
"Daftass Highlanders then used it for centuries as a lavatory seat because of indentations created by a meteor strike shortly after the Great Flood."
According to Biblical lore Jacob used the craggy lump as a pillow during his ladder to heaven dream.
Ever since then piss-taking Scottish nationalists managed to persuade nearly every British monarch to sit on the fecal matter during ancient coronation rites.
It was last used by the Hitler's daughter stand-in in her Puppet Monarchy coronation in 1953.
In 1996 UK Hellfire Club grandees finally shipped it back to the Scotland's Palace of Hollyrood.
It has adorned the official Throne Room ever since.
