Global Warming Accelerated Due To Excessive Use Of Toilet Paper
Scientists working on research into the effects of Global Warming have said that they believe the climate of the Earth is being altered due primarily to the excessive use of toilet paper.
Read full storyPaul O'Grady MBE The New Face Of BBC News
The BBC has announced that Paul O'Grady, the chat show host and 'comedian' responsible for ugly Liverpool slagbag Lily Savage, is to be the new face of the Ten O'Clock News after he was made an MBE in...
Read full storyRooneys' Honeymoon Ruined After Foot & Mouth Scare
Wayne Rooney and his new wife Coleen are at the centre of a huge health scare tonight, after it was announced that the unlucky pair have tested positive for Foot & Mouth disease.
Read full storyDad gets a "Columbian Necktie" as Father's Day Gift
Miami, Florida - You can imagine the surprise Dan Wilkins, 42 (father of three small children), had when he was suddenly awaken by the point of a cold knife held to his neck while he was sound asleep in bed early Sunday morning.
Read full storyWhite Elephants Are Targets of Michelle Obama's Rage!
It was bound to happen. If you can't nail a Presidential candidate in a vocal or written faux pas, then, certainly, the next best thing is the spouse, especially if he or she is a good friend of the microphone on the Presidential stump to the Whi...
Read full storyPetrol Riots Predicted
Petrol prices in the UK have reached unbelievable levels due to yesterdays declaration that there is only enough oil left in the world to last another three weeks.
Read full storyRobert Mugabe To Be Next American President
It was announced today that Robert Mugabe will be the next President of the USA. Speaking from his run-down farm near Harare, Mr Mugabe said: 'Yes, the FBI got in touch with me this morning. They said they wanted someone who could rig elections, f...
Read full storyZac Efron in shock romance!
Zac Efron has shocked family, friends and fans alike by his new choice of companion.
Read full storyIreland Reminds The World That It Isn't In Europe
The Republic of Ireland today voted 'No' in the vote about its future in the European Union, but it was ironic that Ireland itself is still divided with a border, unlike the nations of the mainland EU.
Read full storyNaked Princess Eugenie Says She's Just Like You, Only Richer
(London, England) - Caught frolicking naked on her college grounds, Britain's Princess Eugenie says she did it to connect with commoners and to "show off my naughty bits, of which I am quite proud."...
Read full storyGeorge Bush Does A Day's Work
American President George W Bush today did a day's work, the first in his short and uneventful life, as he usually just sits around watching sports on TV and drinking Jack Daniels with ice. Of course, he occasionally reads a speech on an autocue, but...
Read full storyThe New Guantanamo Encyclopedia
Today, Guantanamo Publications brought at a new version of its famous encyclopedia, and here are a few of its revised entries:...
Read full storyWoops! Obama not RFK after all, Dems may ask for 'do over'
This morning's revelation that Robert F. Kennedy, who died on the night when the Democratic presidential nomination came within his grasp 40 years ago, and Barack H. Obama, who was only six years old at the time are not, in fact, the same person...
Read full storyTitties Bill is passed in House of Commons with narrow majority
A bill to extend the rights of men to stare at women's breasts for up to 42 days has narrowly been passed by the House of Commons. Many of those who suggested that Gordon Brown's ability to stay on as Prime Minister rested with the controver...
Read full storyTrooping The Colour Abandoned As Queen Yawns And Swallows A Fly
The annual Trooping the Colour in London was abandoned halfway through the event this morning, when Her Majesty the Queen yawned, and swallowed a fly. With the sun shining bright and a large crowd gathered around Horseguards Parade, things had bee...
Read full storyAmerican Puts Gas In Badger
At a BP service station in England today, an American tourist filled up a badger with 5-star super unleaded. Speaking from his car, Andrew Thomson said: 'Yep, I keep forgettin' that these crazy limeys use different words for things, it's damn' con...
Read full storyBush made a Papal Knight on eve of Order of the Gutter award
Vatican - (Holy Ass Mess): The Pope yesterday conferred the Vatican's highest military honor on President George W Bush and awarded him the Holy Swastika Medal for services to gagging the God's Banker murder probe that conceal Joseph Ratzinge...
Read full storyNew BB9 controversy as contestants asked to disembowel themselves
After controversies over racism, sexual behaviour and violence, BB9 was facing new calls last night to regulate itself after contestants were asked, as part of a weekly task, to remove their own intestines in order to provide a better shopping budget...
Read full storyEugenie marks Trooping the Colour with naked split beaver
Whorse Guards Parade, London - (Spotty Ass Mess): Up and coming Hellfire Club tribute artiste Princess Eugenie has celebrated the Queen's Official Birthday Suit Parade with a naked split beaver fly-past photo-montage opportunity.
Read full storyCity of Dudley wins funding for National Hubcap museum
In a hard-fought battle between final contenders Dudley in the West Midlands, the Liverpool Borough of Toxteth, the London Borough of Tower Hamlets and Manchester's Moss Side, Dudley has won funding to house the National Hubcap Museum. The decisio...
Read full storyFabio Capello Speaks English Better Than Geordies
Fabio Capello, the England football manager, now speaks English to a better standard than many native-born UK residents, according to me.
Read full storyMassachusetts Guv's Daughter announces: I am Choosen It!"
Massachusetts Governor, Deval Patrick, the first African-American to lead the state has told the press that his lesbian daughter has announced that she is black.
Read full storyBush Finally Improves US Image Abroad!
These statistics apparently do not lie. The US of A is seen in a more positive light across the world: Mexico and Tanzania up 9%, Argentina and Nigeria 6%,Poland, China and India 7%, Lebanon 4%, Russia 5%, South Korea a whopping 12%.
Read full storyGet Dad A Hummer For Dad's Day!
Ads across all possible media have been blaring the shocking message that families across America should get Dad a Hummer for Father's day. The advertisements have been denounced in churches and synagogues and mosques across the US of A. Even fem...
Read full storyFrathouse Mu Sigma Nu Beta Kappa Shut Down for Gender Assault!
Media majors' mens' fraternity MSNBC has been shut down after its frequent and vulgar attacks on one particularly smart and assertive woman.
Read full storyBush Disbands Supreme Court; "I Habeased More Corpses Than Anyone!"
Bush, having learned some anti-democracy lessons from his favorite Pakistani dictator, Pervez Musharraf, dissolved the US Supreme Court today after they decided that human rights in Gitmo are covered by the Constitution.
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