It was announced today that Robert Mugabe will be the next President of the USA.
Speaking from his run-down farm near Harare, Mr Mugabe said: 'Yes, the FBI got in touch with me this morning. They said they wanted someone who could rig elections, falsify voting, and ignore human rights - George W Bush had done all those very well, but the rules mean he couldn't fiddle a third term, so I'll be in the White House in November.'
When it was pointed out to him that American law doesn't allow a foreigner to become President, he said: 'That Barack chap is an African, isn't he? The Feds will sort it all out.'
Some have questioned the wisdom of having a dictator as American leader, as he may not be right-wing enough, but George H Bush said: 'All he has to do is change his name to Bush or Clinton, ignore healthcare, waste millions on weapons, and stop paying attention to UN resolutions. Yeppers, he's the man for the job.'
And soon-to-be-ex-President George W Bush added: 'Hell, if Dad says he's OK then he's OK, he couldn't be any worse than me!'
Zimbabwe's opposition leader, Morgan Tsvangirai, said: 'Excellent news, maybe with Mugabe gone we can get back to running our country properly again, and anyway, Americans have become used to hopeless Presidents - just think of Ronald Reagan, been downhill ever since for them.'
President Mugabe's first task in the States will be to detain opposition workers without trial in Guantanamo, and then send Hillary Clinton there just to make her shut up, and his Vice President will be himself.