Petrol prices in the UK have reached unbelievable levels due to yesterdays declaration that there is only enough oil left in the world to last another three weeks.
Panic buying is draining the petrol stations as prices soar. Petrol is currently worth more, pound for pound, than gold.
The billionaire oil producer Mustapha Leak, could not explain the short fall in oil production.
Mustapaha Leak claims his oil pipes "must have a leak".
There has also been a noticeable rise in the price of horses and space hoppers as people search for a cheaper alternative mode of transport.
The black market is trading petrol and a cup of diesel will get you an evening with some of the top hookers in London or an ounce of crack cocaine. It's also possible to get petrol on the black market but one gallon will cost you a fresh kidney.
The army are on standby and have orders to shoot any looters, rioters, caravan owners or wizards.
