Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 14 June 2008

image for Fabio Capello Speaks English Better Than Geordies
Capello whispers instructions to his team at a training session

Fabio Capello, the England football manager, now speaks English to a better standard than many native-born UK residents, according to me.

Capello, who is Italian, came into the England job last December with only a basic smattering of the lingo, but now speaks more clearly, and can be understood more easily than Scots, Scousers, Welsh, West Country and Cornishmen, Brummies and, of course, Geordies, who nobody can understand.

It is welcome news for the FA and the England players, a motley bunch of uneducated delinquents, few of whom speak intelligible English themselves.

Asked by BBC reporter Jonathan Pearce about the current poor form of his native Italy, Capello smiled and confidently replied:

"They're bladdy crap, innit?"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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