Yahoo Counters: Offers $100 Billion for Microsoft
Yahoo responded late Friday to Microsoft's $44 billion offer with a counter-offer. Yahoo proposes to buy a controlling share of Microsoft for $100 billion. The offer, which is for shares constituting 20.1% of Microsoft's floating stock, rep...
Read full storyBritish Airways launch "sexual intercourse" class on transantlantic flights
British Airways is responding to new air travel business models by launching a revolutionary new cabin on all transatlantic flights.
Read full storyBin laden bids for Liverpool
It has come to light that a new buyer has bid for Liverpool football club.
Read full storyPope Benedict XVI demands audience with Hannah Montana; disappointed when Miley Cyrus shows up
Vatican City - After responding to a command performance for the Pope to sing for him in Vatican City, Miley Cyrus reportedly, shortly after she was introduced to the Holy See, left before she could sing for the head of the Catholic Church. Witnesses...
Read full storyRomney Critical of Huckabee for Performing In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida with Iron Butterfly
In a most inflammatory manner Mitt Romney pointed the finger at fellow Republican candidate Mike Huckabee for playing the controversial anti religious and pro drug counterculture song of the 1968 song In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.
Read full storyScientists create sperm from Barbara Walters' sense of humor
In an astounding breakthrough that sent ripples throughout the worldwide scientific community, UK scientists yesterday announced the creation of viable sperm from an unlikely source: Barbara Walters' near-nonexistent sense of humor.
Read full storyRevenge of militant dolphins blamed for underwater internet cable sabotage
Suez Canal - (Rotters): Pesky dolphins, fed up with the constant attention-seeking barrage of Hollywood wannabes like Hayden Panettiere muscling in on their act, have been blamed for a series of attacks on underwater internet cables that have caused...
Read full storyElton Sees Spots on Uranus
In a private weekend away Sir Eton John, the original rocket man took off from cape Knieval, Arizona with his partner David Furnish for an 'Out of this world' experience.
Read full storyLolita pole-dancing equipment a top loss-leader says Woolies
London - (Unbelievably Tacky Mess): High Street retailer Woolworths is said to be stunned at the barrage of criticism levelled at its top loss-leading under-12s' pole dancing equipment marketed under the Lolita range.
Read full storyNASA Hires Yoko Ono as Intergalactic Operator
Following news that NASA will broadcast Beatles songs across the universe, renowned piss-artist, Yoko Ono, has stepped up to the fore to rally support for intergalactic communication. "I see this as the beginning of the new age in which we will co...
Read full storyBeckham In Tears Over Capello Snub
David Beckham, the greatest English footballer never to play 100 times for his country, was last night "in tears" and "beside himself with grief" over his non-selection for next week's friendly international with Switzerland at Wembley. Beckham, a...
Read full storyBush Says Economy is Just Dandy
President George W. Bush assured Americans that the economy is "just dandy" today while speaking at a convention for the homeless in New Orleans. Bush pointed to a variety of statistics that show what he called "teeny tiny drops"...
Read full storyBush and Cheney to give Spears backing in presidential race
Britney Spears last night announced her bid to become George W Bush's predecessor as president of the USA. In a bizarre twist, Spears (26), will become the USA's youngest and most well known president since Bill Clinton.
Read full storySpears seeks second opinion from celeb docs
As Britney Spears was ushered into UCLA Medical Hospital on Thursday, she said she appreciated Dr. Phil McGraw's counsel during her previous mental breakdown, but would be seeking a second opinion from other A-List celebrity doctors getting good...
Read full storyJohn Edwards Jumps Back in Race
John Edwards, who recently announced his withdrawal from the 2008 presidential race, announced this morning that he's back in. "Y'all have to let a guy change his mind every once in a while," quipped the 2004 VP can...
Read full storyNew James Bond Film 'A Quantity Of Shoelaces' Set For December Release
The new James Bond movie, A Quantity of Shoelaces, starring Daniel Craig and his real-life mother, Wendy, has divided 007 fans over its strange title and subject matter. Wendy Craig, who took the lead role in the 1970s sitcoms And Mother Makes 3,...
Read full storyMicrosoft Buys Yahoo
Computer giant Microsoft will purchase computer giant Yahoo for an estimated $44.6 billion dollars (about twice the amount of change Bill Gates keeps in his car's ashtray). The acquisition should be completed by the end of the year if approved b...
Read full storyPerverts masquerading as democrats says Human Frights Watch
London - (Diabolical Mess): The despot-watching Human Frights Watch Organization has issued its annual report slamming so-called democracy-peddling Global Piss Process luminaries as self reinvented cold war perverts bankrolled by organised crime.
Read full storyNFL Puts Final Limitations On Undefeated New England Patriots In Super Bowl
The New England Patriots, attempting to be the first NFL team to go 19-0, will have the final penalty in their "Spy Gate" saga handed down in the Super Bowl. After all of the fines and other restrictions they have received this year, this...
Read full storyTories Too Thick To Know What Nepotism Means
We Tories secretly employ members of our own families, Tory leader David Cameron revealed today, but we're too thick to know what nepotism means.
Read full storyMorecambe for Newcastle
In a further surprise move Newcastle Utd Managing Director, Christopher Death, has appointed Dennis Morecambe as Chief Assistant Director to the Director of Football, Dennis Wise.
Read full storyWinehouse phantom pregnancy after Doherty 'ghosts' animal-husbandry role
London - (Dysfunctional Mess): Amy Winehouse is up the duff. And Babyshambles party-animal Pete Doherty is the chief suspect after 'ghosting' matrimonial duties during Amy's husband's incarceration at HMP Belmarsh.
Read full storyHillary Clinton to pose nude for Playboy
In an effort to salvage support for her waning presidential candidacy, New York senator Hillary Clinton announced today that she will pose nude for Playboy Magazine.
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