Written by Cobden Stewart

Friday, 1 February 2008

image for Morecambe for Newcastle
Newcastle fans Prepare to Welcome Dennis Morecambe

In a further surprise move Newcastle Utd Managing Director, Christopher Death, has appointed Dennis Morecambe as Chief Assistant Director to the Director of Football, Dennis Wise.

According to Death, "We are creating a management structure here at this fantastic football club that will be second only to the top teams in the whole world. I'm thinking here of clubs like Sampdoria and Heerevonian etc. Dennis will work with Dennis and report directly to me and I will pop down and see Kevin if he has time,"

Newcastle currently have a backroom staff of 56, including a full team of ballroom dancers and specialist manicurists and hair stylists.

"I've always worked well with Dennis," said Dennis.

Kevin Keegan was unavailable for comment.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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