The Pope is an Elitist
The Pope is a fake, he proclaims peace while backing war in Gods name.
Read full storyN.O.W. helps fundamentalist polygamist compound wives make transition into modern society
Eldorado, Texas - The National Organization of Women (N.O.W.) has stepped up to the plate and offered to personally help every one of the fundamentalist polygamist compound wives make the transition into modern society.
Read full storyParis Hilton v Rupert Grint Cat Fight
Earlier today Paris Hilton was seen barging past security at the Harry Potter Farnham set as she hunted down ginger actor Rupert Grint.
Read full story"Tubular Bells," the Exorcist Theme
Pope Benedict XVI spent several hours at the White House in Washington, D.C., today. During this time His Holiness furtively performed one of the most historic exorcisms in the history of the Church.
Read full storyPoland Bans Anorectic Models
Following the lead of her more senior European Union neighbors, France and Spain, the Polish Parliament has passed legislation that will discourage anorectic models from sauntering down the nascent fashion industry's catwalks.
Read full storyVague Story Leads Nowhere
Groups of people who do things were investigating a woman over an incident that may or may not have happened somewhere- possibly sometime last week or at some other time.
Read full storyFundamentalist polygamist compound wives now get their one cell phone confiscated too - caught engaging in hot polygamist phone sex
Eldoarado, Texas - After the Eldorado police raided the largest polygamy fundamentalist compound in the state of Texas, confiscating 416 children, they thought they had put an end to the practice, only to discover that they succeeded in driving the p...
Read full storyKaren Matthews hires spokeswoman
Karen Matthews, mother of Shannon Matthews, is following in the footsteps of the McCanns and hiring a former newsreader to be her family's spokesperson.
Read full storyOsama Bin Laden finally found, in George Bush's Bed.
After years of searching, Osama has finally been located, and in one of the most unlikely places, the president's bed.
Read full storyPope has Immunity Disease
Pope Benedict XVI has come down with a rare disease which affects the immune system. The symptoms are more severe than AIDS because he can never have contact with another human again.
Read full storyJimmy Carter Still Important for Some Reason
With his visit with Middle East contacts, former President Jimmy Carter has decisively asserted his relevance to no one in particular.
Read full storyMy Little John Barrowman Trip
To be honest when my friends ask me to join them on a wee outing to the Bridgewater hall to see John Barrowman in concert I thought 'Good God, I would rather slit my throat! Is watching a man in a sequin costume singing along to an Elton John song the best use of my precious time? I could have written at least 10 good quality Daniel Radcliffe stories in that time!"...
Read full storyBali to leave Indonesia
At a hastily-convened news conference, the island of Bali has decided to divorce herself from the Indonesian archipelago and find an abode in another corner of the world.
Read full story"He's pretty scared so he's schmoozing Bush," London's God's Banker cops say
City of London - (Ass Mess): "We figured he'd start schmoozing that feckless Bush," City of London's Commander Jim B Ergerac said today after reviewing the murder files of 'God's Banker' Roberto Calvi who lost Joseph Ra...
Read full storyEight year old Yemeni girl blames polygamy nutter Warren Jeffs
Sana'a, Yemen Arab Republic - (Fetid Mess): An eight year old Yemeni girl sold into a slave marriage with a 28 year old uncle has blamed feckless Texas polygamist Warren Jeffs for inciting harmless Sana'a relatives into acts of wanton stupidi...
Read full storyHaut de la Garenne: "It's the pits," cops say
St Helier, Jersey - (Sordid Mess): Police excavating the Haut de la Garenne site have found a series of lime pits at the dormitory end of the former children's home.
Read full story"Norma Jean" Blew It?
A "long lost" 16mm film of Norma Jean Mortenson in flagrante fellatio was recently sold for USD $1.5 million by the son of an FBI informant. The 15-minute short shows Ms. Mortenson, aka Marilyn Monroe, dressed, on her knees, and g...
Read full storyBush gives 'God's Rottweiler' a birthday present puppy
Washington AC/DC - (God's Banker Mess): President Bush has welcomed the Pope at the White House and given his old satanic P2 Lodge chum a present for his 81st birthday - a new puppy to replace the 'Poodle' that was ex-UK Prime Monster Ton...
Read full storyJohn McCain Just A One Trick Pony
Off-the-Wall Street, NYC - (Geriatric Mess): "And a three-legged one at that," is Wall Street's assessment of GOP presidential hopeful John McCain.
Read full storyPope Benedict XVI to allow cunnilingus
In a stunning reversal to previous papal policies, Pope Benedict XVI announced before a crowd of US onlookers outside St. Dominic Church in Washington that women will now be allowed to receive cunnilingus. Women in the crowd cheered the Pope's d...
Read full storyThe Panzer Pope Interviewed
Newly renamed Pope Benedict the First, the first true Pope that the one true Church deserves, was interviewed by the distinguished members of the American religious press, most of whom have been obituary writers who don't know and can't tell shinola from shit any better than they can spot the difference between theology and a thesaurus.
Read full storyPope Benedict the First Will Pray with Cultists of False Religions
The Holy Father of Roman Catholicism, Pope Benedict recently declared himself, the first, since he believes that the one true Church deserves him as the one true Pope.
Read full storyLegendary Disney hero Bambi dies at 95
LOS ANGELES, California (AP) -- Bambi, the beloved doe-eyed forest Prince whose early life was first documented in Bambi, A Life in the Woods by author Felix Salten before being filmed by Disney Studios in 1942, died yesterday.
Read full storyScandal Shortage Rocks Capital
Washington D.C. - Washington's toughest pundits were shocked to discover that they had run out of scandals to report on breathlessly.
Read full storyZimbabwe Hits Hurdles on Olympic Bid
In a rare candid interview with foreign reporters on Monday, outgoing (or incoming) President Robert Mugabe admitted that a number of issues have arisen with his visionary plan to bid for the 2020 Olympic Games.
Read full storyPapa Zinger Has Suffered More Than Those Molested By Pedophiliac Priests
Pope Benedict, the former Cardinal No, on the Vatican private jet bound for Bush City, told reporters that he has suffered greatly because of the pedophilia scandal during his reign as Cardinal of the Holy Inquisition and Victim of Christ on earth. H...
Read full storyMcLaren F1 Boss Robs Bank
In an odd twist to the recent Max Mosley video scandal, McLaren Formula One Chairman Ron Dennis is being held by Scotland Yard and is assisting them with enquiries into a daring armed raid on a London City branch of Barlays Bank.
Read full storyDisney Sweetheart Vanessa Hudgens Pregnant by 19-year old Zac Efron
Did you ever think that Disney-sweetheart, Vanessa Hudgens, would ever have a baby? Well imagine it! During what was going to be a routine interview, we learned a little more than we bargained for!...
Read full storyHitler Issues Ultimatum, Wishes to be Reborn
In a shocking move yesterday, psychics and mediums worldwide proclaimed that Adolf Hitler has expressed wishes to be reborn - as a Newfoundlander.
Read full storyBreast enlargements may cause women to float...
In a recent study women who have breast enhancements bigger than they need could find themselves airborne. Seems some makers of these bigger is better breast enhancers found that if they fill them part way with some helium it could make them light and less weight filled thus making it possible for women to have less back pain.
Read full storyPope Pimps out his ride (like his red shoes) for his visit to American
Washington, DC - The Pope Benedict XVI has arrived in American for his first official papal visit. He brings with him his customary entourage and bulletproof Pope-mobile for security purposes as usual. However, in order to reach out to America's...
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