At a hastily-convened news conference, the island of Bali has decided to divorce herself from the Indonesian archipelago and find an abode in another corner of the world.
Bali stated, "I am frankly fed up with the earthquakes, tsunamis, cyclones, and terrorism that exist in this part of the world and wish to reside in a more tranquil location.
Furthermore, she (Bali) announced that the rupture will occur on July 26 of this year, allowing the inhabitants time to vacate her terrain.
When asked where she will re-locate, Bali responded that she has received an invitation to join the Aegean Islands in the Mediterranean Sea.
"There is no place for religious fanatics, beer-guzzling tourists, governmental incompetence and pedophiles on me anymore," Bali continued. "Anyone who wishes to live or visit on me will have to be pagan, temperate, naked and neutered. Except for George Clooney. He may do anything he damn well pleases on me."
