Written by Robert W. Armijo

Wednesday, 16 April 2008

image for N.O.W. helps fundamentalist polygamist compound wives make transition into modern society
N.O.W. volunteers attempt to "rescue" the fundamentalist compound wives from themselves

Eldorado, Texas - The National Organization of Women (N.O.W.) has stepped up to the plate and offered to personally help every one of the fundamentalist polygamist compound wives make the transition into modern society.

N.O.W. volunteers have been flown out to Eldorardo, Texas and then driven to the fundamentalist polygamist compound to be acquainted with the shy and sheltered women. Later, after establishing trust, N.O.W. volunteers encouraged the formerly exploited women to leave their compound and venture outside into the modern world.

Together, in a convoy of pink Cadillacs donated by Mary Kay cosmetics, the fundamentalist polygamist compound wives with their N.O.W. volunteers acting as ambassadors to the modern world, proceeded on a road trip, making preplan stops at key feminist intuitions along the way.

"The first stop, the English department at a local liberal arts college," said a spokeswoman for N.O.W. "There, they will be taught how to say, 'No."

While there, they symbolically broke the chains of patriarch oppression by changing their marriage last names back to their madden names (the last name of their fathers) and given a crash course in the entire "herstory" of feminism. Also summed up in one word, "No," failing to mention the success of the utopian gender discrimination free society of Robert Owen and the Ownites of the latter 1800s.

Later, N.O.W. volunteers stopped off at a family planning clinic, introducing the childlike women to condoms and should those should fail, proceeded to instruct them on how to get a government ban partial birth abortion for free.

In the evening, after seeing "Better than Chocolate" at a local revival house in trendy downtown artisan district of Eldorado, the pink Cadillac convoy made its way back to the compound.

With all the polygamist males incarcerated, 416 children away, still in protective custody of the state, N.O.W. volunteers familiarize the newly liberated women to the sinful pleasures of mixed drinks throughout the night, just to loosen them up a bit. Among nervous giggles of uncertainty and knowing laughter, N.O.W. volunteers demonstrated how to properly apply and use a dental dam.

"That way they won't fall prey to their heterosexual impulses, but now have the option to reach out to a girlfriend in a time of need. And without having to sacrifice either sensitivity or safety," said a N.O.W. spokeswoman.

The fundamentalist compound wives, despite being intoxicated, managed to exercise their newly found free will and rejected the unsolicited advances of the N.O.W. volunteers, kicking them out of the compound and yelling out, "We won't trade one oppressor for another. No matter the gender."

Although praised for their efforts to render assistance to the rehabilitation of the former sexually exploited women, N.O.W. has not escaped criticism that its policy has been inconsistent when it come to underage girls having sex with older men, even turning a blind eye as authorities have been with the fundamentalist polygamist compounds in Texas, Colorado and Utah.

"We don't necessarily embrace underage girls exploring their sexuality by having sex with adult males, so long as they are not having it with adult males that happen to be members of a fundamentalist polygamist Christian sect," responded the spokeswoman from N.O.W.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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