In Defense of the Child Catcher
In the 1968 fantasy "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang," Dick Van Dyke is Carraticus Potts, a singing inventor who builds a magical car, which aside from making whimsical engine noises, can zip across water and sprout wings and fly. For reasons pertaining to the plot, Dick and company fly in the magic car to the land of Vulgaria, where men wear lederhosen and they're fine with that.
Read full storyJoined at the hip - Osama and Dick Cheney related. Veep's wife discovers genealogical connection!
In another stunning announcement, Lynn Cheney states that Osama bin Laden is a ninth cousin to hubby Dick.
Read full storyAGONY PAGE with agony uncle, uncle keith
Dear Uncle Keith, I recently split with my girlfriend after I found her sleeping with Ken Dodd. To my shock, I thought it was my mate, it t...
Read full storySmall Fire In London Attracts Massive Media Coverage
A small fire blazing in the East End of London has attracted an unprecedented amount of press attention and publicity recently.
Read full storyParis Hilton Protests Drunken Elephants
Heiress Paris, missing for months, has reappeared back in the news, safe and sound, and protesting drunken elephants in India.
Read full storyMusharraf: I'm In Love with Benazir Bhutto
PAKASTAN- President General Pervez Musharraf vowed on Tuesday to "kick Benazir Bhutto out of Pakistan".
Read full storyTheSpoof.com withdraws its correspondents from Pakistan - Musharraf demands apology for being called a "democrat"
Visibly enraged, Pakistan's pretender to the throne has demanded an apology from Spoof for 'abusive language'.
Read full storyBreaking News! Vodka-snorter pukin' Prince Harry off to Iraq
He's been shagged, he's been fagged, he's been tagged, snagged and nagged but he's never been hagged. Now, depressed at not being able to jo...
Read full storyCare Bears may lose one of their own to global warming; Sun Bear on red list of endangered species; rumors of reactionary militancy abound
Kingdom of Caring, Care-a-lot - Sad news has finally dawned on the Kingdom of Caring of the Care Bears today as news from the World Conservation Union (IUCN) came that one of their own, Sun Bear, is on the institutions red list of endangered species...
Read full storyAmerican Real Estate Crash - Foreclosures hit 63%
The epidemic of property foreclosures is revealed as more and more signs, typically from the Ron Paul rEVOLution agency, sprout across America.
Read full storyMcDonald's targeted in obesity lawsuit
The US fast food industry and health campaigners are watching closely a lawsuit filed on behalf of several obese teenagers who claim the fast-food company McDonald's is responsible for making them fat.
Read full storyCeline Dion: Bulimia makes me sick
Scrawny warbler, Celine Dion, has added her voice to an ad campaign to draw attention to eating disorders. The Titanic singer -as in the song, not as in size - is an avid believer in healthy eating and body health.
Read full story'Alaska corruption rates low by national standards' furor started by conservative paper editor
Alaska - (Sanctimonious Denial Mess): Retired publisher of the Ketchicken Daily News Lew M Williams Jr has started a furious row over remarks that show he may have been hired by sources close to the infamous Alaskan Corrupt Bastards Club to...
Read full storyWorld shortage of plasticine causes Aardman Animations to close!
It appears that 'Creature Discomforts' will be the last production of its kind to be shown on the small screen. After the 2005 fire in Bristol where Aardman Animations are based, an even more serious threat to their survival...
Read full storyPlanet Venus to be Blocked Out by Air Force
Pasadena, California (IP) - The Office of NASA's Air Force liason at the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena has announced that the Air Force will be blocking out the view of the planet Venus. Air Force Colonel Dr. Jason Bluyunder told reporters at a...
Read full storyBoy George Bush 'chained male escort to wall'
Washington AC/DC - (Ass Mess): The House Ethics Committee probing ex-Republican Representative Mark Foley's involvement with teenage Congressional page boys has been hearing testimony that Boy George Bush chained a rent boy to a radiator at his h...
Read full storyRon Paul Campaign Promise #1 Threatens GOP Sex Balance
The campaign for President Ron Paul is engaged in has been notable for the marked and distinct unity by which his candidacy has been opposed. The opposition has been uniform throughout the GOP nationally as well as in the media ordinarily used by th...
Read full storyCurse of King Tut unleashed as Pretender tries on Pharaoh's gold crown
Greenwhich - (Archaeological Mess): King Tutankhamun's curse has been unleashed on the Pretender to the Puppet Throne as he and Camilla were seen to violate sacred exhibits displaying the ancient pharaoh's burial tat.
Read full story"Our Pitch is Ruining us" says Liverpool
Liverpool players were today sensationally accused of derailing their teams improbable title bid by damaging the pitch at Anfield.
Read full storyCribbage Criminals plead guilty, face sentencing
GARDINER, Maine -- The World War II veterans charged with illegal gaming at their local American Legion Post have plead guilty to a lesser charge of "prohibitted pegging" and now face sentencing before city judges.
Read full storyGod charged with rape
NORFOLK, Va. -- Federal authorities today charged God with the rape of Mary, the mother of Jesus.
Read full storyPope Refinances the Vatican
Vatican City, Italy (IP) - The Pope has had to refinance Vatican City and was fortunate to be able to do so during a period of falling interest rates.
Read full storyBlack Elves call for first Black Santa Claus
NORTH POLE -- In what appears to be an historic upheaval of the usually business-like operations of preparation for the upcoming Christmas season, an angry mob of black elves are calling for the resignation of Kris Kringle and demanding he be replace...
Read full storyMan Vs Wild Finds Amelia Earhart on Island
Howland Island (IP) - Man Vs Wild star Bear Grylls was filming a Man Vs Wild episode on a remote island near Howland Island and stumbled into Amelia Earhart who had survived a rough landing on the island decades ago.
Read full storyBritish Airways Set To Bounce Back After Ryanair Win Favourite Airline Title
British Airways who in the past have been one of the World's Favourite Airlines has found a way to win back public support after Ryanair won the 2007 World's Favourite Airline Title earlier this week.
Read full storyRecalled Toxic Aqua Dots to be Recycled as M&Ms
Candy giant Mars, Incorporated announced today that it would purchase large quantities of recently recalled Aqua Dot toys originating from China.
Read full storyRon Paul and Hillary Clinton Announce Each Other as Running Mates
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Confusion in the race for the 2008 US presidential election arose on Wednesday when front-running Democrat Hillary Clinton announced that Ron Paul would be her running mate.
Read full storyFat Birds More Brainy than Skinny Ones
A study published today by the Institute for Pointless Research appears to suggest that the IQ of females and their offspring are affected positively in direct proportion to increases in their body mass index, i.e the fatter they are the smarter they...
Read full storySecret Government plans to build dome round East Anglia to keep floods, foot & mouth and swampies in
A leaked email from the Home Office to a firm of contractors has revealed that the government is planning to build a giant dome to encapsulate the whole of East Anglia on the ground that it is the most disaster-prone part of the country.
Read full storyDizzy David Cameron wants bigger wardrobe to store his new policies
Tory leader David Cameron, who previously didn't have any policies, has recently accumulated so many that he needs additional wardrobe space to store them all, a confidante said.
Read full storyFluffers Join Screenwriter/Stagehand Strike
US and A - Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, the San Fernando Valley fluffers' union have pledged to strike along with the Hollywood screenwriters and the Broadway stagehands. The potential effect of this dire act would be to...
Read full storyFCC Levies $10,000 Fine Against Nicollette Sheridan for Getting Pregnant by Michael Bolton
District of Co(womb)ia - The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) announced this week that they have fined actress Nicollette Sheridan $10,000 for "gross indecency" as a result of her getting pregnant by bush-league singer Michael Bolton...
Read full storyBlows-to-the-Groin Actually Good for Health, Study Finds
Hardup, Utah - Despite pain signals sent to the brain and the foul language that often results, groin injuries are actually quite good for one's health according to a recent study conducted by Northern Utah Technical School (NUTS).
Read full story"Lost" writers were exempted from WGA call to turn over scripts, preventing scabbing -- they badly need the extra time to tie-up loose ends
Burbank, California - The WGA stepped up the strike this week by ordering all its members to turn over their scripts by last Friday. The measure was taken to ensure writers compliance with the WGA strike by reducing the temptation of any writer to cr...
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