Curiosity of Seeing How Michael Jackson's Kids Turn Out Keeping Suicidal Man Alive
The inevitability of the King of Pop's children growing up to be complete freaks is the only thing keeping a severely depressed area man alive.Read full story
Man's Murder Attempt On Neighbour
A Darwen man has been injured in a tragic misunderstanding involving a famous TV chat show host.Read full story
American babies born without arms and legs linked to unnatural trend
American babies are being born at an alarming rate without arms and legs according to the National Ambulatory Association (NAA), a non-profit organization assisting families of children born without their arms and legs.Read full story
Northern Rock closes in on Vatican
"Enough of the bad press - we're going after the Nazi!" The outburst by a Northern Rock executive over the weekend was quickly clarified, retracted, reissued and reclarified but the startling truth is that, for one Northern Rock custom...Read full story
2 Knights + 2 Nights = 'Skive Aid 08'
As many as 73.314% of British people find themselves in debt totalling trillions (billions of billions) of pounds. So two Knights (Sir Bob and Sir Bono) intend to launch a charity music festival over two nights to he...Read full story
Spun Dried Tomatoes
The president of the Italian Agricultural Ministry, admitted last night that "Sun Dried" Tomatoes, the 'must have' ingredient in every trendy kitchen from New York to New Zealand, don't exist, but are due to a clerical error.Read full story
Los Angeles City Council "bans" the N-word; Unanimously passes the "Michael Richards, Don Imus, 'Dog" ordinance
Los Angeles, California - In addition to having to follow their dogs with a plastic bag to clean up after them when they poop, Angelinos must now have to closely watch what crap comes out of their mouths as well when within the city limits. Although...Read full story
The Luxury Pay Toilet Movement In America
Stacy Lombard was finishing up his afternoon paper route near the colored section of Little Rock Arkansas in May 1961 when he arrived home to his excited mother exhorting him to "hurry up and get in the house". And though only 13 years old, Stacy was about to embark on an adventure that few Arkansans, few anybodies for that matter, had experienced before. Stacy's great grandfather, E...Read full story
Cloud Seeding Bringing in Rain and Big Bucks
Ducktown, Tennessee (IP) - The severe shortage of rain being experienced by folks in the tri-state area of Western North Carolina, Georgia, and Tennessee has brought out the worst and best in area residents.Read full story
North Carolina Residents Show Off Their Water
Robbinsville, North Carolina (IP) - There is an extreme shortage of water in the southeast United States and Atlanta, Georgia has less than an 80 day supply of water left for millions of people.Read full story
Elizabeth Kucinich Ahead of Husband in Democratic Race
WASHINGTON (AP) The Dennis Kucinich for President organization announced that Professor Art Nouveau would be joining the Kucinich campaign.Read full story
WWII vets pegged as cribbage criminals
GARDINER, Maine -- A group a World War II veterans are being held without bail on charges related to an illegal gaming ring they ran through their local American Legion Post.Read full story
Cosco Busan crew breathalysed amid Exxon-Valdez copycat fears
San Francisco - (Disaster Mess): Coast Guard officials are tight-lipped about whether the captain and crew of the stricken Cosco Busan ship which smashed into Bay Bridge have been breathalysed amid growing panic of a copycat Exxon-Valdez fiasco.Read full story
Pete Doherty planning to spring Amy Winehouse's husband out of Belmarsh
Thames Magistrates Court - (Conspiritorial Mess): Babyshambles singer Peter Doherty was seen comforting Camden junkie Amy Winehouse today in what may be a cunning ruse to spring her husband Blake Fidel-Civil out of HMP Belmarsh where he is being held...Read full story
11/11 Remembrance Sunday Hellfire Club Sting?
London - (Armistice Mess): As the messenger planet Mercury begins its annual transit of Scorpio, Blackshirt grandees of the Ancient Fascist Order of the Hellfire Club are smugly confident of thwarting a rumored massive Remembrance Sunday sting that...Read full story
Mohammed is a time wasting Tosser
The above headline is taken from "controversial" Danish newspaper Der Betrubel, the same newspaper that printed a "controversial" Muslim-baiting cartoon earlier in the year.Read full story
Kucinich must drop impeachment hearing in $2 T Merck-like Cheney case settlement
Dike Cheney announced today that he will pay the federal government almost $2 trillion dollars to keep Dennis Kucinich off of his back and pay off the Iraqi War debt. The conservative VP with the lesbian daughter, who recently voted for subsidies to...Read full story
Paul McCartney in New Group
Fans are screaming once again for Paul McCartney during the first concert with his new band. Even middle-aged women were fainting as the group Halitosis belted out it's first big hit in concert. "Breathe On Me" surged to the top of the...Read full story
Manchester United Sign Another "Little Lad"
Manchester United have announced this morning that they have signed another youngster to add to their growing ranks of "little lads".Read full story
Tesco To Enter Political Arena
Tesco, the leading supermarket, clothes store, fuel outlet and insurance provider, has announced plans to enter the political arena, with the launching of its new political wing as early as next mon...Read full story
Words and Gestures of a Bygone Generation
I want to sincerely commend the folks who claim that they have never used the "F" word. I would also like to commend those who claim to have not used it until later in their adult lives. I had never used it myself until I was well past the age of three - but only because I was drunk.Read full story
England Awarded World Cup
The Football Association has this morning announced the best possible news for English football supporters when, in a statement on its website, it said that, to commemorate the great World Cup triumph of 1966, Englan...Read full story
Bush:"TERROR ALERT: New Terror Threat Imminent"
Sources at the White House have warned people that a terrorist threat is imminent, and "could happen in days", although it is much more likely to take place under cover of darkness.Read full story
Battle Of The Sexes Continues, At The Mall
NEW YORK - Both men and women shop, a lot, but a report commissioned by the Consumer's Association of America found some surprising differences between the sexes in terms of how we shop.Read full story
"How a terrorist hides" Laden lectures in London.
At the invitation of Lord Tough-Buck, Chancellor of DeeDee University London, Mr and Sheik Osama Bin Laden gave a speech in front of five distinguished guests that includes Ms. Rice, Mr. Blair, Mr. Chaney, Mr. Scooter and Mr. Bush.Read full story
El Chupacabre begins rap career as "Goat Face Killer"
Somewhere in Mexico - El Chupacabre, the mythical hispanic monster whose name translates to "goat sucker", has begun a rap career under the name "Goat Face Killer".Read full story
Arnold Schwarzenegger Embraces Ron Paul
Fans of presidential candidate Ron Paul were caught off guard today when California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger showed up at an event for the presidential candidate.Read full story
Televangelist Pat Robertson Endorses Devil in Fight Against Satan
Washington D.C. -- During a news conference today, Christian Coalition founder, Pat Robertson, endorsed Rudy Giuliani in what he characterized as the "ongoing fight against Evil." Robertson explained, "Well, I've prayed to the Lord for months no...Read full story
Super-Burger Project Underway
Several of the biggest fast food enterprises have joined forces in a secret project. McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, and Sonic are developing a new super-burger that will appeal to the typical fast food customer who is craving ever-larger portio...Read full story
5 Reasons why This Englishman Loves the US!
1) You sent me ACTION MAN in the 1960s. (GI Joe in the US?) The greatest toys I ever had! i still have them.Read full story
Gary Neville Caught in Sex Shocker with a Fridge!
MANCHESTER UNITED defender Gary Neville has been in hiding today as it was revealed that he was caught red handed having sexual intercourse with a fridge. The England international was spotted humping the fridge at the early hours of Saturday morning...Read full story