Ron Paul Campaign Promise #1 Threatens GOP Sex Balance

Funny story written by TheOneLaw

Tuesday, 13 November 2007


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Her husband is still in Iraq...

The campaign for President Ron Paul is engaged in has been notable for the marked and distinct unity by which his candidacy has been opposed. The opposition has been uniform throughout the GOP nationally as well as in the media ordinarily used by the GOP. Recently a few words have begun to surface which indicate the truth behind the unusually united opposition he faces in ending the war in Iraq and bringing American military personnel home from a multitude of bases scattered around the planet.

Sources inside the GOP who have asked to remain unidentified have pinned the problem on the massive flow of young American males which a Ron Paul presidency would see brought home from overseas. This would have a dramatic effect on the population balance back here in the American heartland. The ratio of males to females would even out, causing a serious problem for those males who have been relying on lonely wives and girlfriends for sexual gratification. With the sudden return of the hundreds of thousands of males from their assignments overseas, the pool of available female companionship will shrink alarmingly.

Furthermore, the nature of some of the relationships which have traditionally relied upon these overseas assignments would be exposed in a rather short time frame. This could possibly lead to serious image problem among those responsible for maintaining America's foreign policy of extensive military presence overseas.

An anonymous source inside Fox News relates how some of the staff have become rather livid at the thought of trying to live normal lives:
"I mean, really, every time a platoon goes over we get another lonely wife/girlfriend or whatever and it keeps life interesting, ya know? If all those guys come back at once we are going to be so like back to chasing sloppy seconds and Hannity is absolutely impossible to work for when he doesn't get a fresh lay every week. And what about all those husbands trained to kill hand-to-hand? Man - I don't even want any of those guys finding out I work for Fox 'cause they gonna be making some serious hurt when they find out how their sweeties keep juiced while they were in Baghdad. And at Fox we always got first pick cause all the war widows always call us first to find out the news."

This at last shed light on the truth behind our previous story on the opposition to the Ron Paul Campaign for President: GOP Republicans ban Ron Paul as candidate

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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