Pasadena, California (IP) - The Office of NASA's Air Force liason at the Jet Propulsion Lab in Pasadena has announced that the Air Force will be blocking out the view of the planet Venus. Air Force Colonel Dr. Jason Bluyunder told reporters at a press conference that Venus has been the cause of almost every UFO report since the dawn of the street lighting era.
Dr. Bluyunder explained that before street lights were put into wide usage that every man, woman, and child was familiar with the night sky. They knew which "evening star" was which planet and they knew constellations and individual star names. Then electricity came along and brought with it street lighting which extinguished the view of the stars via light pollution . Electricity also brought about television and people now know TV star's names but no astronomical names.
The Planet Venus is so brilliant in magnitude that it can be seen despite the light pollution. It can also be seen in daylight if the observer knows where to find it. When Joe Sixpack steps out of the house one evening and accidently spots Venus for the first time he runs for the phone and calls the Air Force to report a UFO. The Air Force then has to scramble jets and with the price of fuel so high....well you know how expensive that can be.
Dr. Bluyunder showed the reporters a slide show depicting the rocket propelled system to be used to block out Venus from human view. There were photos shown of a Titan IV rocket with strap on boosters which would place a balloon shaped geosynchronous satellite (which resembled the old Echo balloon satellite placed into orbit in August of 1960) into a geo-stationary position where it would forever eclipse the ground's view of Venus.
An opponent of this project is the International Astronomers Union. The IAU's senior astronomer Dr. Povenmire Finootch will file a law suit to prohibit the project from going forward. Dr. Finootch is also an attorney and has found a very prestigious and top law firm which will be representing the IAU. The IAU seeks to file a permanent injunction against the Air Force stating that this project is fundamentally wrong and violates environmental laws and the laws of nature.
Dr. Finootch would have liked to have represented the IAA in court against the Air Force in this high profile case. Unfortunately for the Doctor, he lost his standing as an attorney after being involved in a fist fight with Dr. Bluyunder during a television debate on the Venus case. Dr. Finootch was tasered and led away hog tied in handcuffs and a pole was passed under each handcuffed set of hands and feet. A police officer than picked up each end of the pole and thus was the Doctor of astronomy led away into the awaiting police paddy wagon.