Hardup, Utah - Despite pain signals sent to the brain and the foul language that often results, groin injuries are actually quite good for one's health according to a recent study conducted by Northern Utah Technical School (NUTS).
"Yes, it seems counter-intuitive," admitted Dr. Franz Pantz. "None of us likes getting hit in the privates. But we find that people who regularly receive a kick to the jimmy live longer and healthier lives."
"That's good news for me," said Chelsea footballer Didier Drogba. "Because everybody keeps trying to land one squarely in my gonads." Chelsea's injured list already includes Ricardo Carvalho, Petr Cech, Paulo Ferreira and John Terry.
Researchers found that the greatest health benefits were delivered when subjects either (a) saw stars or (b) blacked out from the sheer intensity of pain signals.
"If the man's scrotum was sandwiched like a couple of grapes in a vise and then we applied sudden pressure -- that was the best and most preferred result," concluded Dr. Pantz.
