District of Co(womb)ia - The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) announced this week that they have fined actress Nicollette Sheridan $10,000 for "gross indecency" as a result of her getting pregnant by bush-league singer Michael Bolton.
Said chairman Kevin Martin, "Why, it's just criminal! Can you imagine? Having sex with Michael Bolton... It must have been awful! My wife, Cathie, nearly vomited when she heard the news."
Mr. Martin (who has worked extensively with Vice President Cheney through the years) added that, although the charges against Ms. Sheridan are serious -- perhaps a sweet deal could be worked out whereby the baby might be given over to the Cheney's once it is born.
Apparently the Second Lady of the United States has a huge Michael Bolton fetish, though no one at the Vice President's office could be reached for comment.