Cribbage Criminals plead guilty, face sentencing

Funny story written by Jack Battler

Tuesday, 13 November 2007

image for Cribbage Criminals plead guilty, face sentencing

GARDINER, Maine -- The World War II veterans charged with illegal gaming at their local American Legion Post have plead guilty to a lesser charge of "prohibitted pegging" and now face sentencing before city judges.

Billy "Point Man" Pegs, Rodney "Cut Throat" Crandal and John "The Jack" Intrown, all in their mid to late 80s, were arrested last week after a raid on an American Legion post by state inspectors in Maine.

"We know we did wrong," said Pegs. "And we have all agreed to seek counselling and to perform community service far away from the 'temptations of the board.' Bottom line is we have been so caught up in the lifestyle for so long it is going to be a difficult transition. Part of our sentence will be to talk to young people... tell them about the pitfalls of pegging to often, or for money."

Fellow crib-criminal Intrown agrees. "You might think a penny a point is nothing, but think of it over the term of a lifetime! We've been playing since World War II for god's sake! I'm just glad it has finally come to an end before someone got hurt!" he cried.

Court officials say the three men face a lengthy course of treatment to help them overcome their addiciton to the game.

"We don't want to lock up these war heroes," said Judge Johnny Suckling. "We just want them to get the help they need and not go back to the self-destructive behavior. So, we've got them enrolled in Cribbaholics Unanimous - a place where they will meet others like themselves and be connected to a worldwide community of recovering cribbaholics via the online resources."

According to Suckling, there are many more people suffering out there who can learn a valuable lesson from these men.

"Lets face it," Suckling said, "These are men of the great generation that fought a world war. If they can get help so can others... just type "Cribbaholics Unanimous" into your favorite online search engine and let the healing begin. Your fears of being skunked are over!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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