Presidential Candidates Release Much Awaited Health Care Proposals
Yesterday several US presidential candidates released their plans to cure the nation's sick healthcare system. For decades politicians have grappled with the health care issue with few positive results, the proposals by the current crop of candid...
Read full storyNew Late Show Host Announced
In a surprise move Late Show host, David Letterman has decided to retire and spend more time with his young son. CBS immediately announced Letterman would be replaced by George W Bush. Many Washington insiders are worried the additional work load w...
Read full storyBarack Obama Gets Haircut
Barack Obama, a leading Democratic candidate for the 2008 presidential election, got a haircut today in Manchester, New Hampshire today.
Read full storyTed Stevens: "Why I jacked off the house"
Anchorage, Alaska - (Ass Mess): Senator Ted Stevens has spoken to the press for the first time about jacking off his Girdwood house from the ground in 2000, adding a new first storey and then replacing the old first floor on top:...
Read full storyHobbit Slaughtered Live on Stage to Boost Ticket Sales
All performances of the London stage version of the Lord of the Rings will now include the ritual slaughter of a Hobbit in a bid to boost flagging ticket sales.
Read full storyHarry Potter In Surprise 8th Book Sensation
Reports on the wires this evening are talking of a sensational new book that's set to take the libraries and bookshops of the world by storm.
Read full storyAmericans Reduced to Building With LEGO Blocks
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - New York - Nathan Sawaya was a promising lawyer until the Bush administration reduced American business to absolutely nothing. Now he has to build everything out of LEGO blocks. In fact, everything in the room is made of LEGO...
Read full storyBush Orders VW Bugs and Cardboard Trucks for Troops
President Bush announced today that the United States government would stop supplying troops in Iraq with Mine Resistant Ambush Protected (MRAP) vehicles and replace the entire fleet with 1960 standard Volkswagen Beetles, and transports made of cardb...
Read full storyInsurance Claims are the Life for Me!
I'm moving to the U.K. In Norwich, several insurance claims have made news by declaring that numerous people are at the mercy of the animal kingdom: deer smashing kitchen windows, horses chewing cars, etc. My favorite is the woman who filed an insurance claim because her beloved hamster became so fraught with the idea of visiting the vet that he chewed through her handbag. It goes to show you...
Read full storyCommunist Hardliner George W. Bush Welcomes Mikhail Khodorkovsky
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Communist hardliner George W. Bush welcomed Mikhail Khodorkovsky to the Capitol today and appointed him to the cabinet of his New World Order regime. President Bush said that he has admired Khodorkovsky for a long...
Read full storyWalMart: Smart Bomb Dropped On Store
ALMONT TOWNSHIP, MICHIGAN (CIA TODAY) --A red stealthy F-22A Bomber glided low into the town of Almont Township today. The test target. WalMart Super Center at 555 E. Genesee Street. In its' payload an innovative...
Read full storyWhite House: US commitment to renewable energies unveiled
Washington DC With international pressure growing on the US to reduce carbon emissions and streamline energy usage, a 5-year plan to maximise renewable energy sources was unveiled by senior White House spokesmen yesterday.
Read full storyNZ naked Britney billboard banned for misleading public
Wellington, New Zealand - (Ass Mess): A naked Britney billboard campaign promoting Sky Channel TV has been banned in New Zealand after a massive public outburst that the picture had been 'doctored' with a pair of hideous blue panties that deg...
Read full storyTony Blair has AIDS, George Bush Requests $30 Billion to Fight It
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - London - After going to the doctor, Tony Blair found that he has AIDS. Upon hearing the news, George Bush requested $30 billion to fight the disease in his gay lover.
Read full storyMurdered Russian spy was CIA double agent recruited by Aldrich Ames
Langley, Virginia - (Ass Mess): Jailed US traitor Aldrich Ames recruited the poisoned ex-KGB turncoat spy Alexander Litvinenko who cooked his own goose by snorting over a gram of Plutonium-enriched cocaine last November and died horribly of radiation...
Read full storyMadeleine: Interpol admits they are consulting Pope's tarot reader
Portugal - (Rotters): Interpol officers say they are so stumped for information about the kidnapped four year old English child Madeleine McCann that they have consulted psychics, astrologers, mediums, visionaries and even the Pope's personal Tar...
Read full storyHarry Squatter move for JK Rowling theme park
Orlando, Florida - (Ass Mess): Warner Brothers' latest scam to perpetuate the JK Rowling authorship fraud of the Harry Potter titles has been unvieled in Orlando, Florida.
Read full storyIn Search of a Political Savior
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - United States - In The Pew Forum , Eve Conant writes, in the article In Search of a Political Savior,...
Read full storyBush Gives Himself Dictatorial Powers
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Last night, President Bush signed into law the National Security and Homeland Security Presidential Directive, National Continuity Policy, which gives him dictatorial powers.
Read full storySheep 'Flu Epidemic Is Sweeping The Welsh Valleys
A recent outbreak in Wales of, what was thought to be H5N1 Bird 'Flu, has, in fact, turned out to be rather less sinister, and has mystified Health officials in the area.
Read full storyBig Brother 8 To Get Man Friday
Big Brother 8 opened for business last night, and every kind of deluded, deranged and deformed degenerate walked in through its doors to be subjected to up to 13 weeks of intense public leerage. Only one thing was mi...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Having Runoff for Campaign Song
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - "The Internets" - Hillary Clinton is having a runoff for her new campaign songs. She placed an ad a while back to choose one of the songs she had listed or write in a song for her. Her top 5 favorite songs for the c...
Read full storyFive Iraqi Hostages Captured At Heathrow
After the kidnap of five British hostages in Baghdad earlier this week, Mr Blair's government has reacted in kind by capturing five Iraqi hostages of its own, and subjecting them to the kind of "hostile treatment" that many foreigners in Britain have...
Read full storyHarry Potter and the flipping great wodges of dosh!
Universal Studios Florida is finalizing terms to bring a Harry Potter World to its Orlando resort.
Read full storyBush and Cheney Feud Over Iran
WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) - Reports indicate that an open feud complete with name-calling has erupted in the White House between President George W. Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney about whether to go to war with Iran or not.
Read full storyWet dream for ad' execs'- Tony Blair and Nelson Mandela in Biltong advert.
JOHANNESBURG (Roottheirs) - British Prime Minister Tony Blair arrived in South Africa on Thursday on the final leg of a trip to the continent where he is due to bid farewell to Nelson Mandela and take part in an advertising campaign...
Read full storyWhales Attacked Over Japanese Hunt
Whales have been severely criticised over their request to the International Hunting Commission, to lift the moratorium on the commercial hunting of the Japanese.
Read full storyWhite House unveils new Iraq strategy
District of Columbia - White House Press Secretary Tony Snow announced that President Bush will employ a bold new approach in Iraq starting June 1st. The initiative, codenamed 'Operation Bold Move', began as a Defense Advanced Research Proje...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell Arrested Outside Donald Trump Estate
Only days after announcing that she is leaving The View, the outspoken, obnoxiously opinionated Rosie O'Donnell has apparently hit rock bottom.
Read full storySpielberg To Begin Filming E.T. Sequel
Cinematic genius Steven Spielberg has announced that filming will soon begin on a sequel to the phenomenally successful 1982 movie E.T.
Read full storyAmerican Idol Judge Paula Abdul Discovers Her Special Purpose
Paula Abdul announced that she has finally discovered her "Special Purpose" in life. In a statement reminescent of Steve Martin's character in "The Jerk", she revealed what the purpose was today in a Hollywood interview. "I knew that since I was...
Read full storyMan Eats Dog in London to Protest Treatment of Fox
A London man sat down to a dinner of corgi to protest the treatment of foxes by the upper class and the royal family. Corgi was chosen as the meat for the meal as it is the favorite breed of dog of Buckingham Palace.
Read full storyNew Celebrity Impersonator Reality Series Has Strange Beginning
The newest ABC Reality Show is off to a strange start in the premiere episode. "The Next Best Thing: Who Is The Greatest Celebrity Impersonator" made its debut Wednesday evening.
Read full storyMonkey Space Explorers
"If you put a thousand monkeys in a room with typewriters, they will by chance eventually type the Encyclopedia Britannica," the old saying goes. But leave a thousand monkeys in a room full of computers and you get rocket science.
Read full storyKobe Bryant Flip Flops On Demands Lakers Trade Him
Nine time NBA all-star Kobe bryant of the Los Angeles demanded early Wednesday that he be traded. He felt that the team was not trying to rebuild fast enough and that he was lied to by team management about that rebuilding two years ago. Three hour...
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