Five Iraqi Hostages Captured At Heathrow

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 31 May 2007

image for Five Iraqi Hostages Captured At Heathrow
Eyup, here's another plane load!

After the kidnap of five British hostages in Baghdad earlier this week, Mr Blair's government has reacted in kind by capturing five Iraqi hostages of its own, and subjecting them to the kind of "hostile treatment" that many foreigners in Britain have come to expect as standard.

The five, all members of the same family, were reportedly attempting to escape persecution in Iraq.

Mr Abu al-Scrounger, his wife Bladi, and their three teenage sons Sui, Tera and Bomber, were stopped by officials at Heathrow airport. After undergoing security checks, they were given clearance to enter the UK, and presented themselves next day at Council offices, where they were given the keys to a four-bedroom mansion in St John's Wood, London.

A welfare officer was assigned to them to help negotiate all the harrowing paperwork needed to claim State and Housing Benefits, but this proved unnecessary as they had earlier been briefed on these procedures by fellow Iraqis already taking advantage of this laxness.

There was a slight scare when Mrs al-Scrounger had to be whisked away to a Harley Street clinic for emergency treatment after she sneezed, but this turned out to be nothing more serious than a little powdered Semtex which had somehow managed to find its way into her nasal cavity. She was allowed home afterwards.

The Home Office has come in for much criticism recently over the "accommodating stance" it takes on immigration, but the way it has dealt with this case is bound to send shockwaves through the immigrant community, and make people think twice before embarking upon a speculative trip to this country.

Mr al-Scrounger was pensive when asked about leaving his beloved country of birth, currently on the verge of civil war, and about whether he was fearful for the safety of his 47 other relatives still in Iraq.

"Don't worry mate! We'll have all of them over here by Christmas!" he said.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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