Boy George to be Publicly Flogged Announces Judge
Fallen entertainer Boy George has been sentenced to public flogging for his recent alleged assault on a 28 year old man in his home. Judge Wilberforce Pinkston-Smyth today declared that following several arrests and a spate of community service, he f...
Read full storyJapanese Magicians Sue TV Stations for Revealing Sheep/Poodle Secrets
Tokyo, Japan - (Ass Mess): Forty nine magicians belonging to the National Magic Circle of Japan are suing a TV broadcaster for revealing to Japanese movie star Maiko Kawakami that the $2,000 new breed 'poodle' she bought recently was really a...
Read full storyLovesick Astronut Nowak 'Smart but Hellish'
Orlando, Florida - (Ass Mess): An Orlando court has heard today that tug-of-love astronut Lisa Nowak is known to her friends and colleagues as 'smart but hellish'.
Read full storyBruce Willis vows to Go Commando in bare ass Lohan/Hilton/Spears jealousy bid
Hollywood - (Ass Mess): Official: Pantyless party girls have got right up Bruce Willis's nose. But the Die Hard star is fighting back and vowing to Go Commando to redeem those PR ratings that he says he's been robbed of by 'foxy little c...
Read full storyKentucky welcomes home a winner as Larry brings the baby home
Louisville, Kentucky - (Ass Mess): When he first met billionaire's widow and ex-Playboy centerfold Anna Nicole Smith at the Barnstable Brown party on the eve of 2005 Kentucky Derby little did Californian photographer Larry Birkhead realise that j...
Read full storyStop the Corrupt Bastards Campaign hots up in Juneau
Alaska - (Ass Mess): Juneau, the Alaskan town named after the goddess wife of Jupiter, King of the Gods in the Roman pantheon of deities, is up in arms at the vast scale of cover-ups concerning Corrupt Bastards Club patronage by the VECO Alaska Const...
Read full storyBush Comments on Sectarian Violence
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - BAGHDAD, Iraq - As reports of a hundred being killed in sectarian violence in Iraq, President Bush says it's just a misunderstanding, like the reasons for going to Iraq in the first place.
Read full storyArchaeologists Find Ancient Audio Recording
NEWARK, OH (AP Newsliar) -- Archaeologists working in south central Ohio have found what may be the earliest audio recording ever discovered. The recording is etched into the surface of a large clay ceremonial burial pot, uncovered near the Newark e...
Read full storyThe "I"s have it at Google
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Google's California Headquarters - Today, Google announced that it is renaming its homepage iGoogle. It will let you build your own gadgets using wizards. Eric Schmidt paused when TheSpoof reporter asked, "Which wiza...
Read full storyAntiwar.com Claims Bush Studied Blueprints for Dictatorship
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - "The Internets," April 30 - Yesterday, Antiwar.com claimed in an article that the Bush Administration has studied blueprints for a dictatorship...
Read full storyMcCartney remake Beatles Song on new CD
Paul McCartney's new CD will include a number of references to his estranged wife Heather with an updated version of a song he originally did for 1967's Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band.
Read full storyDemocrats Threaten to Impeach Bush
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington, D.C. - Democrats have threatened to use impeachment to force George W. Bush to withdraw the troops in Iraq. "Since we failed to reach, we must impeach," shouted Clinton and Obama. We are tired of Bush tr...
Read full storyMr. T Does Snickers Commercial
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Hollywood - Mr. T has released a new Snickers commercial where he drives up in a tank, smashing cars, popping up, and hitting a honkey on the head with a Snickers bar while screaming insults at the boy. He then gets back in th...
Read full storyState of the Union Based on January, May Box-office Sales
Washington, DC - In a startling political move, the United States Congress has made a decision to do away with the highly polar annual speech given by the President. January 2008 will mark the first time in 218 years Congress will not be addressed.
Read full storyLeft-handed women like Angelina Jolie may have shorter attention span
London - (Ass Mess): A new scientific study suggests that left-handed women like Angelina Jolie have a huge attention need, tiny attention span and a morbid fear of dying from fatness.
Read full storyHeather Mills McCartney's ex leg to headline Kate Moss catwalk show.
Following on from "The Leg's" tour de force on Dancing with Stars, Heather Mills McCartney's ex appendage has been the talk of the town and not just one town, but several.
Read full storyBig oil chief Lord Browne faces perjury charges over gay lover
London - (Ass Mess): BP oil chief and imminent honorary member of the Corrupt Bastards Club Lord Browne faces potential perjury charges following today's news that he lied to the High Court over how he met his gay lover.
Read full storyLife found on Mars...Again.
Today scientists found life on Mars yet again. They were looking at Mars through their telescopes this morning when they saw a massive green shape, which was revolving, float across the red planet's surface.
Read full storyThe popular art of management bollocks
We've all heard phrases like 'This is a solution to leverage new opportunities in the target sector" haven't we. Is it a form of language that we need to learn if we are to 'get on', or is it just a load of bollocks!...
Read full storyDragon's Den - The Cuppa
There are a lot of people who go into the Dragons Den looking for investment in their businesses. Here's one you may have missed.
Read full storyFaith4u
A young man walks down a busy high street. He is suddenly distracted by a poster on a hoarding it reads..
Read full storyDick Cheney Invests in Viacomm, Attacks YouTube
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. - Dick Cheney bought 100,000 shares of Viacom yesterday to give as a gift to his grandchild-to-be. He listed the name of the grandchild, for some reason, as "Mini-me." After purchasing the stoc...
Read full storyBush To Attack New Planet
President Bush has approved funding for a new long-range space mission and has christened the spacecraft, 'Decider-1'.
Read full storyTerror rappers found guilty of breaking new anti hip hop laws
Five Al Qaeda terrorists have been found guilty of breaking Britain's controversial anti hip hop laws. They were sentenced today at the old Bailey under section 16 prevention of rap act.
Read full storyBush Renounces the Bible
Due to disappointing results from the war in Iraq, President Bush said that he will no longer use the Bible to guide his foreign policy.
Read full storyKatie Couric's Writer Uses More Exclamation Points Than Necessary
CBS executives are attempting to dispel rumors that the writer for the Evening News is required to overpunctuate Katie Couric's news scripts with a plethora of exclamation points and other personality-inducing cues.
Read full storyKentucky Derby betting hots up amid Queen Elizabeth visit rumors
Kentucky - (Ass Mess): As a huge wall of money began flooding the betting market ahead of Saturday's running of the 133rd Kentucky Derby ante-post odds have begun some dramatic fluctuations amid reports that a massive corruption scandal is about...
Read full storyDick heads queue for hours
Idiots queued for hours last night outside Top Shop to buy the latest tat at over inflated prices all for the sake of fashion. The new Kate Moss collection launched at top shop has caused quite a stir amongst fashion twerps.
Read full storyInterview with Hafiz Emdad
Exclusive interview by Khadija Khanom and Noshin Hossain - Pupils of Muwatta Weekend Maktab, London...
Read full storyLarry's baby Dannielynn to meet Queen Elizabeth in Kentucky
Nassau, Bahama - (Ass Mess): Californian photographer Larry Birkhead is all set to take his baby daughter Dannielynn home to Kentucky to meet the family and to be presented to Queen Elizabeth who is due to visit the Blue Grass State later in the week...
Read full storyGeorge Bush's Departure Spells an End to Libocrats 'Alibi'
CAPITOL HILL (Disassociated Press) - Libocrat leaders in both Houses of Congress are in a state of shock and awe! They have all-of-a-sudden unanimously come to the conclusion that not having George Bush around after 2008 will complet...
Read full storyNew junky, drug addled, trollop look unveiled. Fashion sensation!
Its finally here, thousands of girls will be so happy, that they too, can now look like a wasted diseased junky in time for summer.
Read full storyNintendo: Subliminal Messages Revealed
Most of us have played, or at least heard of, the popular video game know as "Mario Brothers" or "Super Mario." It is a popular video game that most people enjoy.
Read full storyMcCain in Hot Water Over Barack Poem
John McCain recited a poem he wrote about Sen. Barack Obama at a campaign stop in Iowa. In it, he hinted that Barack Obama is a terrorist who will kill Americans if elected.
Read full storyPolice arrest 30 in animal rights raids, Knut questioned
LONDON (Roosters) - Police arrested 30 animals in a series of coordinated raids across Britain, Belgium and the Netherlands on Tuesday as part of investigations into animal rights extremism.
Read full storyTheSpoof.com, front for Government misinformation wing
World News Orifice: - A leaked memo from The White House to Whitehall seems to have confirmed what some conspiracy theorists have thunked for a while now, that something is afoot and needs to be taken in hand, vis-à-...
Read full storyJohn Terry In New Storms...Yawn
Chelsea captain John Terry is at the centre of a Royal Storm this morning after declaring that he fancies Prince Harry's girlfriend Chelsy Davy.
Read full storyNew Evidence Shows Dinosaurs Died From global Chilling!
"Chill Out!", the modern advice to relax and let it be may have been the death knell of the reptiles in the last great ice age. As temperatures slowly dropped lizards and their larger cousins hardly noticed that their blood flow began to sl...
Read full storyJedi Run For Office!
Hillar-EE Clit-Tone and Bara-K-OH-Susannah, formerly dead Jedi from a Galaxy far far away have been appearing as glowing, resurrected images across the US political scene.
Read full storyFirst Hollywood,then Bollywood Now Appalachiawood!
Appalachiawood has burst on the film-making scene with its shocking though predictable incesto- gaypics. Hollywood has gotten away with its share of ethicstretching and Asian Indian Bollywood sings and dances its colorful way to barrier-breaking. App...
Read full storyPost Mordern Art Enthrones Post Mordern Misspelling!
Modern Art and Post Modern Art and now Post Mordern Art has always broken the rules to shout its newest, latest meaning. . . Impressionism, Post Impressionism, Expressionism, Abstract Expressionism and now an art movement named after Moe Mordern and...
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