Interview with Hafiz Emdad

Funny story written by Number 7

Tuesday, 1 May 2007

image for Interview with Hafiz Emdad
Adidad four stripe as worn by Marathon man Emdad

Exclusive interview by Khadija Khanom and Noshin Hossain - Pupils of Muwatta Weekend Maktab, London

Hafiz Emdad recently made us proud as he completed his third London marathon. Here is an exclusive interview with rocketheels himself...

N&K - Hafiz Emdad, so we all know what a (ahem) fit runner you are, also we all know that you ran the marathon 2007 and did a great job at that… Alhamdulillah!

HE: Thank you, thank you, I love y'all! (He punches the air and claps to an imaginary audience...

N&K - How many years did it take for you to become so fit (lol)?

HE - I am a natural athlete (dramatically holds head and points nose towards ceiling), and I am very proud of that fact. There's no question of how long? I'm just a running machine and you people would be wise to realise that!

N&K - We bet that you had to take couple of breaks in between…didn't you?

HE - Never! although I did stop to sign autographs for screaming fans and wellwishers. Even grown men had tears in their eyes as they came running up to hug me. As a global superstar I have a huge responsibility to these people, hence sometimes it's more important than breaking record running times...

N&K - If you don't mind us asking… how many calories did you think u lost?

HE - It doesn't matter. you've got to look past the flab! I did it and no skinny person (He actually said anorexic) can deny that!

N&K - Ok...ok...let's become serious now! So Hafiz Emdad…how much money did you raise for your chosen charity, Amani Foundation?

HE - If I can successfully collect, it might total £1500.00. There are stingos and scrooges who owe me money from my first run. If they don't pay soon I might be tempted to name and shame them on a national publication... like the MWM newsletter.

N&K - 26 miles is a lot … so how many days did it take you take to complete the marathon?

HE - You people and your advisors, just don't have a clue do you? This is my hattrick and nothing can take that away, so boo to you all...

N&K - Ok...ok...let's become serious now! What was your intention behind running the marathon?

HE - It was a lifelong ambition, from a very young age. I'm sports crazy and really used to look upto long distance runners like Seb Coe and Said Aouita.

N&K - There must be some sort of secret... How did you make it to the end? What's the secret?

HE - Porridge and bananas with an added secret ingredient that only my wife knows. Unknown to her my coach Ismael made sure I religiously received my daily fix of Doner kebab with extra large chips and mayo, no water as drinking 20 minutes after food helps to aid digestion and lose weight (apparently). I don't like Pfc lettuce, so no salad!

N&K - How much did Moulana Ashuk sponsor you as the Chief Executive of Amani Foundation?

HE - A blank cheque. I find myself now sometimes calling him Mr Abramovich by mistake. I owe him everything for funding my revolutionary (un) healthy strict Athlete's diet regime.

N&K - If Allah keeps your little heart pumping, will you be running again and where?

HE - Correction, a Red Indian friend once nicknamed me big heart, so please take note of that fact. I hope to one day do New York, Tokyo, Amsterdam, Boston, Beirut, Mogadishu, Disneyland, Timbuctoo zzzzzz!!!

N&K - What is your favourite memory of the marathon. Overtaking Shilpa Shetty (Joke). Ahh yes! I saw a group of ladies at the start who were smirking at me. They looked ultra fit. Looking at their trainers made me think they would break the marathon record. They were sneering at me as I must have looked odd. They zoomed off at the start. It gave me great pleasure to pass them on the 10th mile, they were ready to blowout. I could not resist a grin, wave and a very sarcastic comment. I enjoyed overtaking Sir Steve Redgrave last year. I shook hands with the Moose (Ian Abrahams) from Talksport this year.

N&K - One last question…we heard Moulana Kamal talking about how Moulana Ashuk bribed you to run the marathon, so you can keep your position in the Maktab. Is that true? (We know it is …don't we?)

HE - (He goes red and tries to keep a straight face) Absolutely no comment is what I've been told to say... ooops!!!

N&K - Thank you for your time Hafiz Emdad

HE - All in a day's work dears, all in a day's work!

Interview courtesy of MWM Newsletter

Muwatta Weekend Maktab is a prestigious,enterprising and groundbreaking educational institute based in the East End of London.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more