Big oil chief Lord Browne faces perjury charges over gay lover

Funny story written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 1 May 2007

image for Big oil chief Lord Browne faces perjury charges over gay lover
Keeping a discreet profile today: Lord Browne

London - (Ass Mess): BP oil chief and imminent honorary member of the Corrupt Bastards Club Lord Browne faces potential perjury charges following today's news that he lied to the High Court over how he met his gay lover.

Lord Browne is also accused of misusing company funds to support his rent boy Jeff Chevalier, with whom he lived from 2002 until last year.

Crown Prosecution sources have been advised that the smarmy crony of UK Prime Monster Tony Blair discussed confidential company matters with Chevalier as well as lavishing gifts and "substantial payments" on him straight from BP petty cash coffers.

The perjury issue stems from a statement that Browne made to an earlier court hearing where in a signed witness statement he said he had met Canadian Mr Chevalier by chance while exercising in Battersea Park.

This has been revealed as one big whopper and Browne had to issue a retraction of the statement.

Browne has first met his rent-boy after Tony Blair gave him a personal letter of introduction and recommendation after Chevalier had worked for him for over a year as a massage consultant.

A court adjudications has said of Lord Browne: "He apologised for misleading the court and explained that he had panicked. He said that the fact that he had not been honest had been gnawing (sic) away at him."

When Browne eventually dumped Chevalier, the jilted little minx sold his story to the UK tabloids.

Among the lurid details of his kiss 'n' tell is a story that Browne discussed EU policy and Chinese trade secrets with EU Commissioner Peter Mandelson and Mandelson's Brazilian boyfriend Reinaldo.

Also claimed is that Browne paid cash to "dodge" his tax bill on a Venetian flat refurb.

And that Libyan leader Colonel Gaddafi gave Browne millions of pounds in dodgy backhanders when the BP CEO visited
Libya, accompanied at UK taxpayers' expense by a secret service agent or a former agent for protection.

Most damning of all are allegations of Browne's secret discussions with the government, Tony Blair and Gordon Brown about "important strategic decisions" for BP, and a scheme to benefit BP customers which was opposed by the Chancellor.

Chevalier says Browne also got whopping great big backhanders from the Saudis, Vladimir Putin, the Sultan of Brunei, The Halliburton Corporation, the Vatican, Klu Klux Klan, Iranian fundamentalists, Afghani opuim delaers and assorted Talebanis, the Alaskan Corrupt Bastards Club, JK Rowling, Osama Bin Laden and McDonalds.

A Crown Prosecution Service decision whether to whitewash the matter will be made tomorrow.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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