State of the Union Based on January, May Box-office Sales

Funny story written by Mathmission

Tuesday, 1 May 2007

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Just this once, they all agreed

Washington, DC - In a startling political move, the United States Congress has made a decision to do away with the highly polar annual speech given by the President. January 2008 will mark the first time in 218 years Congress will not be addressed.

The State of the Union address dates back to January 8th, 1790, where President George Washington addressed congress for the first time. Since then, the purpose and quality of the union addresses have declined. The decision to remove the address was widely agreed upon by Congressmen.

"It's the viewership, honestly," comments Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA). "It's not in style anymore, hasn't been for decades. Government dealings have become so unpopular, no one cares to watch." Advertising dollars have declined during the address, making funding for the program more difficult. "We lost most of the major companies when this whole war thing started. People like to be distracted, not facts about death."

In a bold move, the Senate approved the removal of the address, and further stated that the concept "State of the Union" would be now interpreted based on the strength of Hollywood films between January and May.

Some disagree with this concept, calling it a 'blatant disregard for the human spirit.' Film critic and staunch liberal Kevin Larson said "It's unfair to judge the strength of this great country on crap coming out of LA. We're stronger than 'Wild Hogs,' 'Grindhouse,' and 'Delta Farce.'

But others believe this is the perfect measurement of the strength of the country. "These films embody what the American public wants, what they are," said Senator Charles Schumer (D-NY). "If films such as 'The Nanny Diaries', or 'Delta Farce' are doing well in the box office, it's fair to conclude that the economy, and spirits are high amongst the population. Brainless entertainment demonstrates that the country's demeanor is strong. If we had movies coming out based on Iraq, or death camps, or serious stuff like that, we know we're in trouble."

The MPAA refused to comment on recent developments after being harshly criticized for their efforts to censor incoming films. This follows their long-time trend of control with little emphasis for rules, or consistency.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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