CBS executives are attempting to dispel rumors that the writer for the Evening News is required to overpunctuate Katie Couric's news scripts with a plethora of exclamation points and other personality-inducing cues.
"I do add exclamation points where she should act extra perky," admitted the writer, "but, for a real downer piece, I insert the little frowny face, so she'll know to get serious and tighten that sphincter. However, I absolutely refuse to dot my "i's" with little daisies, as she requested. When it comes to the alphabet, I have my limits. What is this--Queer Eye for the News Guy?"