Venus and Serena Williams Fail Sex Tests, Have to Play on Men's Tour
Pro tennis playing sisters Venus and Serena Williams have failed multiple sex tests and finally been exposed as "not being female." While the tests do not prove conclusively that they are men, they will no longer be allowed to participate on the wom...
Read full storyClassic Tintin Story Declared Rascist
Tintin in the Congo, one of the classic series by Georges Remi, has been declared rascist in it's treatment of native Africans and will be removed from bookshelves in Great Britain, the United States, and other countries. The novel features Tint...
Read full storyRon Paul Beamed Up! Kirk and Spock to Question
USA TWODAYS - This article begins special coverage we were afforded by Captain Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. We were beamed up prior to the beaming up of Presidential candidate Ron Paul, so that we might record the interection for USA TWODAYS.
Read full storyI Have a Utopian Dream
In light of recent and previous cave-ins by the wussiecrat majority in congress, we should all, by now, be disabused of any notions of political hope. But I have a dream. Actually, it happens sometimes in those Intermediate Bardos between sleep and what is called the wakeful state, or better regarded as the sanctioned hallucination, where a cosmic crack occurs in the collapse of a probability wave...
Read full storyCast Announced for Spoof! The Motion Picture
As reported earlier, a movie based on the on-line internet magazine, The Spoof, is in the works. Hollywood producer Jack Offsburgh has announced the stellar cast for this 2008 summer blockbuster and potential Academy Award Winning movie.
Read full storyCurse of the Challenger Space Shuttle blamed for Branson's disastrous Virgin Galactic blast
Mojave Dessert, California - (Ass Mess): The Virgin Galactic disaster on Thursday has been blamed on copycat design flaws that saw the January 1986 destruction of the Space Shuttle Challenger according to aerospace loss adjustors.
Read full storyNew Government Retirement Plan
"If I ever come in with a gym bag ... just leave the building," was all they told me. I believed ... and it saved my life. 'Going postal' has been a joke around here for a long time. When the manager started telling the entire gossip circle what was said when he called in sick -- it was all over but the body count. The government employee begged not to have his name used because having escap...
Read full storyWeekly World News Pulls Plug on Print Division
Boca Raton, Florida (High Times Staff Writer) - The self-described "world's only reliable newspaper", Weekly World News, recently announced plans to discontinue publishing its printed format and switch to an online-only version.
Read full storySatan Resigns
Hell - (Rooters) In a shocking announcement today Satan has said he will step down as the Lord Of Darkness.
Read full storyMcDonalds due to launch new 'McShambo'
In a bid to boost sales over Burger King's 'Angusburger', the McDonalds Corp. are due to launch the new 'McShambo'. Due out on Monday, the burger is reputed to contain 100% pure bull.
Read full storyGary Coleman Stripped of Slam-Dunk Title
Saskatchewan, Mississippi-While it may take different strokes to move the world, it only took one man 40 minutes to dismantle every single NBA player at the International Championship Hall of Fame Slam-Dunk Competition. The victory was short lived h...
Read full storyReporter Gets Capped In Drive-By Shooting
Kansas City-KMBC reporter Karen 'Kavegirl' Kornaci was mauled by a plastic pellet fired by Royals benchwarmer Emil Brown. The concussive force which launched her through the air also knocked her out of her shoes and one sock. "If he th...
Read full storyFaceberk on Facebook
There was widespread shock today when it was revealed that a man had been found using popular website Facebook as a social utility.
Read full storyGirls Gone Wild Film Company to Release "Celebrities Gone Wild"
The film company resposible for all ninety-nine editions of "Girls Gone Wild" has just announced plans to release their one hundredth video: "Celebrities Gone Wild." Chief cameraman and film editor Mark Spankthemonkey made the announcement from a B...
Read full storyTown infested with pubic octopus
The entire town of Henley has been infested with huge pubic octopus. It all started when a handsome stranger arrived. All the women, married & single had to have a go on him.
Read full storyCheney to transfer Presidential power to Bush during surgery; World leaders concerned
Washington, D.C. - Vice President Cheney is expected to turn over Presidential authority to President Bush for his scheduled surgery to have his pacemaker battery replaced on Saturday. It will be the second time Bush will be in control of the nation...
Read full storyClinton-Obama slap shifts race to negative tone
WASHINGTON (Rooters) - In a slap that has shifted the Democratic 2008 presidential race to a more negative tone, Hillary Clinton is pitting her experience against Barack Obama's desire for a sex change.
Read full storyNude Kate Middleton pics found in Buckingham Palace skip
London - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): Nude pictures of Kate Middleton entertaining the entire Blues & Royals regiment were found in a skip outside Buckingham palace today prompting fears that she may have been paid by the Ministry of Defence to sh...
Read full storyHouse passes farm sex bill, causes fire
WASHINGTON - (Rooters) House Democrats voted Friday to approve farm sex bill that would continue to provide generous sex to farmers daughters at a time of record pregnancy, ignoring death threats and yowls of protest by Republicans over a sex provisi...
Read full storyBranson's Virgin space program bombs
Mojave Desert - (Daftass Mess): Richard Branson's megalomaniac aspirations to enter the space race have bombed with the news today that an explosion ripped apart a test of the rocket's propulsion system, leaving three engineers dead and thre...
Read full storyLawn Care Company Franchises Mowers in Bikinis Idea
Who would you rather have mow your yard? The twelve year old next door? A professional landscaping company with high dollar equipment and a huge bill? You after working a ten hour day? Two hot, sweaty chicks in bikinis?...
Read full storySaudis say Pentagon offering $20 billion "to shut up about Bush"
Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - (Ass Mess): The Saudi ruling family says it has been offered a paltry $20 billion by Pentagon sources to shut up permanently about Geporge Bush's criminal records and mobster cartel activities.
Read full storyThe Spoof! movie deal negotiations
Hollywood, California - (Ass Mess): A consortium of Hollywood studio bosses, investment bankers, PR executives and grandees from the US The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences is meeting this weekend in a secret location in cyberspace to disc...
Read full storyKate Moss in Ronnie Wood threesome shag
Kingston, Surrey - (Ass Mess): Top model Kate Moss has moved in with Ronnie Wood and is reported to be in a three way shag with the ageing sexagenarian Rolling Stone and his wife Jo.
Read full storyWater Bills To Rise - "Rain Was The Wrong Kind" Says Expert
The head of the Environment Agency has said publicly that, contrary to popular belief, there is still a water shortage in Britain, even after the recent heavy rainfall and flooding.
Read full storyDodgy Qatari ruler's relatives dumped from BA flight
Milan, Italy - (Ass Mess): Spoilt brat Qatari princesses, relatives of dodgy Emir Shaikh Hamad who is trying to buy up UK food retailer Sainsbury's, were today thrown off a London-bound BA plane after throwing a wobbly about seating arrangements.
Read full storyUS plans its own Prince Bandar arms deal slush fund
Pentagon, Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Pentagon officials have decided that the USA is not to be outdone by the Brits' £1.2 billion arms dealing slush fund that lined the pockets of weasely-mouthed former Saudi ambassador to the US Prince Bandar.
Read full storySurgeons' startling discovery: Cheney Has No Heart!
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Dick Cheney went under the knife for a replacement battery for his defribulator.
Read full storyNASA Opens Astronauts Anonymous Chapter
Cape Canaveral, FL (IP) - NASA has opened up a new chapter of Astronauts Anonymous (AA) in Houston and at Cape Canaveral. The central theme of the newly formed organization is called count down to sobriety and is a ten step program designed to insu...
Read full storyAl Gore Claims He Invented Britney Spears Vagina
Al Gore, who once claimed that he invented the internet, has now taken credit for another piece of American legend: the popular and often over exposed vagina of Pop tart Britney Spears. Gore announced this to reporters outside of a Democratic town h...
Read full storyPepsi Admits Aquafina Is Really Just Tap Water
Pepsi admitted today what industry watch dogs have long suspected: Aquafina bottled water is really the same thing that you get from your tap. The nation's largest selling bottled water comes from municipal water sources and is no different than...
Read full storyGrandma's Pussy Suspected of Killing Retirees
Rhode Island (IP) - In and out, up and down, back and forth, all day, and all night, grandama's pussy stays busy. So far twenty-five folks who have come into contact with the elderly lady's warm and fuzzy pussy have expired within twenty-fo...
Read full storyMy short-lived cyber conversation with; "lusty duck."
I had never thought about ducks "doing it" until my conversation with lusty duck.
Read full storyDennis Kucinich Joins Ron Paul Campaign
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - Dennis Kucinich, after teaming up with Ron Paul to call for the impeachment of Dick Cheney and George W. Bush, decided to join Ron Paul's campaign. Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul are talking about running togeth...
Read full storyNigerian riches are soon to be mine!
Nigerian riches are soon to be mine! Can it any longer be denied (with a straight face) that God has my back? In the last two weeks, I have received five internet offers. Each one was from an individual that desired to make me the recipient of a bodaciously huge sum of cash. Three of these offers were from various Nigerian bank employees. Men with larceny in their hearts. Who were...
Read full storyCharley Evicted From Big Brother House
Charley Uchea, who is black, became the sixth housemate to be booted out of the Big Brother house last night, to a chorus of boos that eclipsed even those experienced by former conte...
Read full storyJK Rowling 'Carries On Writing Books' Shock
Juvenile Korner, or JK, Rowling, the authoress of the now-defunct Harry Potter children's series of books, has said she is already back at work penning two new works as she bids to leave the days of Hogwa...
Read full storyGay Shark Found In Flood Zone!
Police in Gloucestershire have been hit with yet another major headache after a group of swimmers-by near Tewkesbury spotted a hammerhead shark which local authorities believe to be gay.
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Contributors to be given Sagarin Ratings
Hendricksville, Indiana (US and A Today) - Sports statistician, Jeff Sagarin, has agreed to commence ranking regular contributors to TheSpoof.com. His credentials include a Bachelor of Science degree in Mathematics from the Massachusetts Institute o...
Read full story'Comic-Con International' Kicks Off with Brand New Superhero
SAN DIEGO (The Daily Nooner) - "Tickle Man" is the latest superhero to be unveiled at this year's 38th Annual Comic-Con Convention in San Diego.
Read full storyBottle to Throttle, Astronauts Drunk, not Crazy
It has been revealed that Astronauts going on space flights might have been over the legal limit for operating a 400 million pounds of thrust interstellar vehicle. NASA is taking the allegations very seriously even though they were the ones green lig...
Read full storyJimmy Buffet's Margaritaville In Space Cancelled by NASA
Inside sources said the 3-week chugalugfest slated for August was postponed amid shocking allegations that Billy Bob Thornton would not be invited to the party. Thornton, who suffers from fierce nosebleeds and motion sickness, single-handedly put sp...
Read full storyParis Hilton Hates Nicole Richie
Paris Hilton is seething mad over the decision to let off Nicole Richie with only 90 hrs incarceration for what is seemingly a much stronger offence. Paris served 23 days for driving under a suspended license, Nicole was charged with driving the wron...
Read full storyNicole Richie Plays, "Sympathy for Pregnancy," and Wins
"Wrong way" Nicole Richie went to court yesterday and played the pregnancy card on the court system and the Court Commissioner, "not even a judge", went for it hook line and sinker.
Read full storySen. Clinton's new fundraiser campaign based on her cleavage, another boob-boo
Washington, D.C. - Sen. Clinton announced a new campaign fundraising effort based on an 746-word article in a fashion column of the Washington Post about her cleavage, drawing further controversy on the matter that she being hypocritical by exploitin...
Read full storyAl Gore Gives More Reasons For Global Warming
Al Gore, whose award winning movie "In Inconvenient Half-Truth," brought the condition known as global warming into the forefront of everyday conversation, is expanding his list. Gore and his team of scientists have listed several other re...
Read full storyCatholics Introduce New Habit For Nuns
In an effort to increase the number of straight, heterosexual priests, the Vatican introduced a new habit for nuns. The new clothing, which more closely resembles a very skimpy Roman toga, is designed to make men want to be around women more. In...
Read full storyNASA Admits Some Astronauts Were Drunk
NASA (formerly the National Aeronautics and Space Administration) admitted today that several astronauts have been launched into space in a "less than sober condition." Though none of these astronuats died in their missions or caused damag...
Read full storyDrunken Astronaut in Diapers Sabotages NASA Computer
NASA officials were at a loss to explain how a drunken, 37 year old female astronaut wearing only diapers and a bib managed to break into a storage locker and sabotage a $32 million computer destined for the International Space Station.
Read full storyOn Line Magaizine Editor Caught Smuggling Sex Toys
Mark Lowton, owner and editor of the popular on line humor magazine "The Spoor" was arrested late Friday for attempting to smuggle a bag of sex toys into a Catholic boys orphanage. On his arrest, the man with the handlebar mustache and brown raincoa...
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