David Beckham: "Victoria Smiled Once!"
David Beckham has a photo of his wife actually smiling.
Read full storyShock as Celebs Found in Tinned Soup
The whole of Britain woke up today in shock as the news that 90 year old hag, Mrs Mavis Crapfield, opened a tin of condensed cream of mushroom soup to find what was later discovered as Marlon Brando's hip bone.
Read full storyGreat Bastard egg is first since 1832
Salisbury Plain, Wiltshire - (Ass Mess): A Russian-imported Great Bastard has finally laid the first egg of its species since 1832 according to conservationists.
Read full storySurgeons extract half a tonne of coke from Pete Doherty
Yorkshire - (Ass Mess): Rehab surgeons at the Promises! Promises! detox clinic in Yorkshire have extracted half a tonne of cocaine from Pete Doherty's bodily fluids as the Babyshambles singer underwent his first day's treatment for a...
Read full storyNavy sends submarines to search for flood victims
Gloucestershire - (Rotters): The Navy has sent two nuclear-powered submarines to the flood-stricken counties bordering Gloucestershire after all other efforts to find survivors failed.
Read full storyCountry singer, Mindy McCready, releases latest album titled, "My Mom Is Attacking Me"
Lee County, Florida - In a 911 tape released by Lee County Sheriffs, country singer, Mindy McCready, told authorities that her mother had attacked her and then marked up her own face in an attempt to frame her for assault.
Read full storyFloods To Be Abolished Says Government
The government today announced that from 2008 floods will cease to be a threat to the British mainland.
Read full storyFrench Dog Takes Commanding Lead in Tour De France
In France as human riders test positive for drugs and drop like flies, it is a dog that is now standing head and tails above the rest. "GiGi" as she is known is part of the Jean Le Fete racing team and the only dog to ever make it this far...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Gets Full Cavity Search, Twice
Luscious Lindsay was busted drag racing in Santa Monica early Tuesday morning after leaving a Bondage S&M club with some friends. The young and busty actress had a sudden feeling for the flavor of a Pringles and they all decided to go to the Kwik E...
Read full storyBush's Dog Rescued by Tricky Ricky
Iron Permanent Press--Scoop Johnson Barney the Scott Terrier was returned to the President today after spending nearly two days in an insurgent stronghold in the foothills of Afghanistan. The poor pooch was left behind after the pre...
Read full story"I perhaps pitched it too high" admits Hawking
Odd fucker Steven Hawking left celebrities stunned last night as he appeared to discredit Fang and Wu's theory of Quantum Cosmology at Elton John's annual AIDS benefit dinner.
Read full storyDNA Test Proves Big Brother Tracey Is Really Robert De Niro's Sister
As Big Brother fans made Nicky Fromwatford the fifth evictee from the House on Friday, news emerged yesterday that another personality discrepancy has come to light that may shake the show to its ve...
Read full storyMythical Iranian satirist may be preserved in salt
Zanjan, Iran - (Rioters): A man's naturally mummified body has been found inside an Iranian salt mine which archaeologist believe may be an ancient Persian comic who used to live around 540 BC at the time of the fabled Arachnid dynasty.
Read full storyMan Claims He's Never Had A Starbucks!
(Los Angeles) - An American has claimed he has never had a Starbucks coffee in his entire life. Not even a sip. The incredible claim comes from Andrew Lawrence, a normal, college educated baby boomer who grew up in New York and has resided in Los Ang...
Read full storyWhat now for Blair?
There has been speculation about what, if anything, Tony Blair is going to do, now that he's stepped down from the big job in Downing Street.
Read full storyDog Arrested for Practicing Dentistry Without License
AKRON, OHIO (AP Newsliar) -- Duke, a four-year old mutt of mixed Cocker Spaniel/Labrador heritage owned by Akron, Ohio residents Lou and Doris Beldner, has been arrested for practicing dentistry without a license.
Read full storyLohan in Paris Hilton-copycat DUI
Santa Monica Lewinsky, California - (Ass Mess): Lindsay Lohan may be taking the LA celeb game of oneupmanship a stage too far in her bid to out-Paris Paris Hilton.
Read full storyGerry McCann pleads with Alberto Gonzales as Portuguese cops threaten negligence lawsuit
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): Gerry McCann, the father of a missing four year old girl abducted in a Portuguese holiday resort while her parents dined out nearby the holiday apartment, has flown to Washington and met with Attorney General Alberto Gonza...
Read full storyPosh picks nose and eats it shocker!
Victoria "Posh" Beckham was photographed picking her nose and eating it, after refusing to eat at the pre-match dinner of husband David's latest match for LA Galaxy at the MacDonald's Burger Stadium, in [her words] "some God-aw...
Read full storyKate Middleton in training with women's orgy club
London - (Ass Mess): A top women's orgy club, the Swilling Britons, has attracted Kate Middleton to its ranks and has started her on its gruelling six week training course.
Read full storyAlex Ferguson Appreciation Society on Facebook
Gabriel Heinze has resorted to desperate measures in order to push through his "dream" move to Liverpool.
Read full storyHeathrow plans to fingerprint travellers
Bloody Awful Airports (BAA) have released plans to fingerprint all travellers through its airports, starting with Heathrow, so that it "can find the bugger that keeps touching our clean windows!" Exclaimed an airport employee, adding "...
Read full storyBBC & BT cancel sponsorship deal
In the wake of the continued criticism being levelled at the BBC following complaints about the premium call charging and fake winners scandal the Head of Bumbling Telecoms (BT) UK sponsorship team has released a brief and curt statement.
Read full storySmoker's Rebellion: Terror tactics to be used
In an effort to destroy Britain's smoking ban, TITS (Tobacco Is The Shit) have said they they will have to resort to terror tactics in the future.
Read full story"England is Sinking" claims Doomsday Cult
Proffesor Strebbling Co-founder and Leader of the Doomsday Cult "Noahs Ark" has claimed the recent wide spread flooding has absolutely nothing to do with the unseasonal rainfall, but the uncontrolled migration of overseas workers coming to...
Read full storyBacklash Against Recycling Bin Expansion
London Mayor Ken Lovingbone outlined plans yesterday for an expansion of the current recycling arrangements over all London.
Read full storyApple reveal 99c computer, to compete with $100 laptop
Apple corps today revealed that they had found a way to build a complete computer that retails at 99 cents, for sale to the developing world. At the launch, Apple Corps chairman Steve Jobs said, "We are pleased to be competing with Intel for the...
Read full storyThose phone-ins
A queue formed last night at the BBC, ITV, C4 and SKY's boardroom doors, of producers waiting to confess to having run bent phone in competitions, and in fact any contact that TV and radio has ever had with the outside world by telephone turns out to be false.
Read full storyJ.K. Rowling's 'Deathly Hallows' breaks all records, selling 8 million copies while last tree in Amazon forest is cut down; flooding in Central England ensues
Buenos Aires, Brazil - Late last Saturday night, Harry Potter fans turned mob rule, rushed into the Amazon rainforest cutting down every tree in sight, after bookstore owner, Juan Miguel-Sanchez, said he ran out of copies of the book, 'The Deathl...
Read full storyWall Street Bonds and Stocks Are "Complete Valueless Crap" Says Ben Bernanke
NEW YORK (FMLiveWire) - The Wall Street money-machine is now "complete valueless crap and junk" says Ben Bernanke, the head of the US Federal Reserve in an exclusive interview with FMLiveWire.
Read full storyHarvard Zamboni Operator Accidentally Freezes Cube of White Light
BOSTON (Wired News) - Researchers at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology have been attempting to freeze light particles in the laboratory for the past five years. But cross-town rival Harvard accidentally beat them to it over the weekend.
Read full storyFIFA To 'Sit On The Fence' About Tevez
FIFA, world football's governing body, has now decided that it may not be able to intervene in the Carlos Tevez transfer saga, reversing last week's statement that it would act swiftly to bring the matter to...
Read full storyChinese Ballistic Missile Facility Actually a Termite Colony
TAIPEI (Defense News Weakly) - A suspected Chinese ballistic missile facility located at Delingha in the central-northern part of the country has been revealed to actually be a termite colony instead.
Read full storyMilk Cows Go On Strike! Britney Spears Lends Support!
Wisconsin Dells- Today in Wisconsin milk farm after milk farm came to a screeching halt when they discovered their milk cows were udderly disgusted with their treatment. Said one cow, on condition of anonymity, "We feel used, we give and we give...
Read full storyDead Sea Scrolls reveal ancient diet plan
SAN DIEGO - Curators at a Southern California museum have announced an unusual discovery involving a visiting exhibition of the Dead Sea Scrolls. A mistake made by workers setting up a display of the millennia-old documents resulted in some of the s...
Read full storyClinton in Race Storm
Amazing pictures obtained from our reporter in Washington appear to show the Democratic Front Runner Hilary Clinton seemingly discredit her main rival Senator Barack Obama in the build up to the 2008 presidential elections.
Read full storyGM Abandons Manual Transmissions After Freak Accident
General Motors stepped back today from its shift to stickshifts after a freak accident occurred yesterday involving Ron Paul, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. The development comes four weeks after a previous announcement that
Read full storySenator Lindsey Graham Loves his 'Cocks
Columbia, South Carolina (WUSC 90.5 FM) -...
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