Monopoly money more valuable than dollar - US Federal Reserve
Recently, Chairman of the Board of Governors of the FED, met with a congressional panel in Washington DC to discuss US monetary policy and the continuing role of the dollar in international economics.
Read full storyBankrupting Qatar's Shaikh Hamad
Whitehall, SWi - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): MI6's favorite recreational drug is the adrenaline that soars through spooks' brains as they corrall and haul in badass dodgy Arab sheikhs on whirlwind shopping sprees buying up stolen assets from the B...
Read full storyCops admit 'Cash for Honors' probe was pure cover story
New Scotland Yard - (Ass Mess): The Metropolitan Police Serious and Organsied Crime Agency was having the last laugh tonight as ex-Prime Monster Tony Blair, his bagman Lord Levy, his blood-sister Ruth Turner and Chris 'Bung' Evans celebrate b...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Voted Top MILF; Britney Spears Demands Recount
Hillary Clinton was a surprise winner in yesterday's Top MILF voting on a popular website in the adult entertainment category. New mom Britney Spears demanded an investigation and recount, but the website has so...
Read full storyBush will undergo favorite medical procedure
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): "Last time round we found a number of articles," a White House medical source said today, "including a vibrating-tone cell phone set permanently at 'ON', a pair of handcuffs inscribed with Jeff Gann...
Read full storyGreat-great-grandmother Knows Best
Maybe Michael Pollan's new psychic friends could have foreseen it. Only weeks ago, content to have The Omnivore's Dilemma atop the bestsellers list, Pollan now enjoys the distinction of having single-handedly sparked what promises to...
Read full storyRIM releases its new dual-mode, stronger (but still legal) version of its Wi-Fi "CrackBerry" the 8820 smartphone
Ontario, Canada - Ready in Minutes (RIM), manufacturers of the other popular drug, the BlackBerry, have just released a stronger, but still legal, version, the 8820 smartphone model, just in time to compete with Apple's iPhone. The Blackberry oth...
Read full storyEngland's Smoking Ban - Winners and Losers
One month into the English blanket ban on smoking in public places and a clear picture of winners and losers is beginning to emerge.
Read full storyComputer dreams
Dozens of brave souls in America and Japan have undergone brain surgery to implant hardware that allows customized dreams and heads-up Internet on demand.
Read full storyBush Orders Military to Remove Recruiting Age Limits
President Bush has ordered all branches of the military to remove age restrictions in their recruitment of new personnel.
Read full storyArnold Caught Flashing Gang Sign to his Homies
SACRAMENTO, CA (AP Newsliar) -- Photographers captured Arnold Schwarzenegger in the act of flashing the gang sign to his homies.
Read full storyHillary Clinton revealed as Bill in Drag
The wind whipped low over Idaho and tore off the skirt of Hillary Clinton this morning revealing just why her middle name is Rod-ham. To the surprise of Mayor Bartmouth and the assorted worthies of Middleton who had congregated for a traditional muck...
Read full storyControversial governor pledges to give way to Aishwarya Rai as India's first woman president
Mumbai - (Ridiculous Press): A controversial woman regional governor, Pratibha Patil, has pledged to give way over her appointment as India's first female president in favor of glamorous Bollywood actress Aishwarya Rai "because this would un...
Read full storyRon Paul Knighted
Ron Paul was appointed a Member of the Order of the British Empire (MBE) yesterday, receiving his insignia from the Queen at Buckingham Palace in a ceremony known as an investiture. The award is generally considered a knighthood, tho...
Read full storyQueen TV footage row spreads to BBC political editor
Broadcasting House, London - (Rotters): The BBC row about faked footage of Queen Elizabeth has spread to the Corporation's news deparetment and its political editor Nick Robinson who has been branded by foreign intelligence sources as a 'terr...
Read full storyGreenpeace to "Party Naked"
Greenpeace is looking for a few good naked volunteers in a bid to meet recruitment goals. "It's a tried and true formula: naked women bring in hoards of men," said one Greenpeace administrator. After a short period of hazing, the volunt...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan: I just know Sherrif Lee Baca loves me as much as Paris!
Beverly Hills - (Ass mess): Mean Girls star Lindsay Lohan has told friends that she knows that LA Sherrif's Department boss Sherrif Lee Baca "is an absolute s-w-e-e-t-i-e and loves me every bit as much as Paris Hilton."...
Read full storyStrictly Tap Dancing
Lord put his thick reading glasses on the callus bridge of his nose and scrutinized a GPS screen on his desktop. Next, he pushed a buzzer. His secretary, lovely Blondie, appeared at the door to his office. Lord crisply said, "Send Ranchfied in, now. Then, he lumbered his way toward the burning fireplace and placed a branding iron into the fire. Next, he slumped into a giant chair in front of...
Read full storyThe Spoof bought by Rupert Murdoch, Then Traded
Rupert Murdoch continued the expansion of his media empire today by acquiring a little-known news website, TheSpoof.com. Murdoch then traded The Spoof to members of the Bancroft family, conditioned on their support for his takeover o...
Read full storyTrash-for-Honors: Bandar gags the CPS
London - (Ass Mess): Ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair is said to be relieved and delighted that former Saudi ambassador to the USA Prince Bandar has managed to gag the Crown Prosecution Service into sumbission over the trash-for-honors police investiga...
Read full storyNewest Disaster Discovered
The International Council for Useless Panic have found and registered the latest potential disaster that may hit the planet.
Read full storyOldest Swingers In Town Hump For Britain
Penny & Bill Plenty from Northampton have shagged their way to the Guinness Book of Records. Trussed up like twatty turkeys they brag that they have 'Done it' all over the UK.
Read full storyPsycho Stuart Pearce Named As U21 Boss
Stuart Pearce, the ex-Manchester City manager, has been named by the Royal Navy as the Kapitan of the most recent addition to its fleet of futuristic submarines, the U21.
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Surrenders to Bush
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - Lindsay Lohan surrendered herself to George W. Bush on charges of suspicion of being supicious. This was a result of her Memorial Day weekend car crash and President Bush's
Read full storyHome Secretary 'Pulls A Whitey' Whilst At University
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith was today widely mocked and ridiculed in the House Of Commons by her fellow MP's. This potentially damaging outburst was brought about due to Ms Smith recently admitting that she had, in fact 'pulled a whitey'...
Read full storyHoward and Costello Not Even MySpace Friends
Australian Prime Minister John Howard's relationship with his treasurer has taken yet another beating today. It now appears that, not only has he never invited Peter Costello and his wife around for dinner, he hasn't even invited him to be h...
Read full storyDel Boy to retrain BBC staff
Only Fools and Horses star, Del Boy (Derek Trotter) is to be recruited by the BBC to retrain staff after the fake phone-in scandal.
Read full storyWalking Backwards into progress
Researchers at the University of Chicago have been doing a study to determine the best form of animal locomotion. The study resulted in an astounding breakthrough: Walking backward is not only the healthiest way but, also the most stimulating for the mind. I met with one of the leaders of the research group, Professor Richard Cockburn, to see if I could find out what was behind the study and why i...
Read full storyPhilosophically Inept Column - War, Good or Bad?
This month I will be talking about the subject of war.
Read full storyGrannie Left On Tip - "Cannot be recycled" Say Council
Delhi - A 109-year-old woman was today found on a rubbish tip, where she had been discarded by her family. She was described as being in good health, but rather disgruntled at her ejection from the family home.
Read full storyIraqi leaders flip Bush the bird, cheering ensues
With US President Bush issuing benchmarks and deadlines this week for the Iraqi government to complete, tensions between and within the respective governments have been running high- especially within Iraqi government, which sees many of these benchm...
Read full storyFive Severed Heads found in Bucks
Bucks Police unearthed a grisly sight in a garden in Chesham with 5 heads, minus their bodies being discovered, under the shed.
Read full storyBailey goes for gold - Carbon assisted, this time.
Donovan Bailey, billed as the World's fastest man, has found a way to go even faster than the 27.1mph he has been clocked at.
Read full storyClint Eastwood Takes Home a NAGDA
HOLLYWOOD, California (Nielsen Media Research) - Actor/composer/director/producer Clint Eastwood was presented with a lifetime achievement award last evening at a black tie event attended by hundreds of the motion picture industry's most notable...
Read full storyWashing machine incident leaves thousands homeless
Thousands of people are being left without a home tonight after a devastating tidal wave destroyed an entire council estate in East Devon. The wave was caused by a washing machine which had accidentally been made dimensionally transcendental by its o...
Read full storyWhy You Should Never Choose A Job In Fast Food
There are many of us, myself included, who make the dire mistake of choosing to work in the fast food industry. It can be for many reasons, such as location, job availability, or peers, but don't fool yourself. This is why you should never work in fast food.
Read full storyGod Needs a Shrink
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Milky Way - After it was discovered that the Milky Way is really an inkblot (see Milky Way Really an Inky Blot), it was discovered that God...
Read full story30 Days to Domestic Terror! Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Washington - President, er... Dicktatur... George W. Bush issued Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabi...
Read full story500-pound man seeks redemption - almost drowns during baptism
St. Croix River, Milwaukee - Admitting that gluttony was the only one of the seven deadly sins that he enjoyed committing, Mike Martinez, 39, attempted to set his life on the righteous path by confessing to his pastor that he had set out years earlie...
Read full storyNixon Returns from the Dead to Comment on Candidate Fred Thompson
The former president is not impressed with the possible presidential candidacy of 'Law & Order' star Fred Dalton Thompson, who served (in the 1970s when he was 30 years old) as investigative counsel for the Senate Watergate committee.
Read full storyStudy Shows Mollusks Enjoy Sex More Than Humans
Scientists today revealed a study that shows mollusks physically enjoy sex more than humans. Felicia Freezig lead the 10 year 15.3 million dollar study comparing the sex lives of mollusks and humans.
Read full storyHome Secretary admits "I committed burglaries as a student"
Home Secretary Jacqui Smith has admitted for the first time that while she was a student she committed burglary. "I tried it a few times, but didn't like it very much, so I stopped. I never targeted elderly people's houses and, though I...
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