London - (Ass Mess): Ex-UK Prime Monster Tony Blair is said to be relieved and delighted that former Saudi ambassador to the USA Prince Bandar has managed to gag the Crown Prosecution Service into sumbission over the trash-for-honors police investigation.
For over two decades Bandar has been the lucky recipient of £1.2 billion of UK taxpayers' money which he received from the Ministry of Defence via a BAE slush fund.
Recycling this largesse to Bush Family Evil Empire-outsourced mobster cartels has been his speciality and today's peerages' corruption probe outcome has been hailed in Whitehall circles as the "Prince of Wales Feather in the cap" of his seminal career.
Head of the CPS Special Crime Division Carmen Dowd told the press today: "There was simply not enough police evidence to hang a mouse," with reference to the 25 tonnes of documentary proof gleaned over the 16 months of the investigation.
"No smoking gun, no conspiracy and definitely no cover-up!" Ms Dowd beamed as she posed for the cameras which for a moment lingered on a nervous tick at the side of her face as sweat poured down the side of her brow and her industrial-strength panty-liners suddenly let her down with a visible trickle of angst.
In North London Lord Levy was triumphant and declared: "Bastard cops! Got them! Now I'm going to sue for malicious prosecution, anti-semitism and anything else I can nail the pigs for."
And in the UK headquarters of Opus Dei the telephone tinkled merrily as call after call from Prince Bandar's orifices in Riyadh rang to convey the Saudis' delight at the well-predicted outcome of the police investigation.
