One month into the English blanket ban on smoking in public places and a clear picture of winners and losers is beginning to emerge.
On the one hand, high street gastro pubs have enjoyed steadily rising profits as non-smokers, once put off by the prospect of sharing air-space with nicotine addicts, now turn out in their thousands to enjoy a night of healthy overindulgence in a smoke-free atmosphere.
"It's fantastic," said one late-night reveller, 26 year-old Debbie Gullible. "I'm no longer frightened of catching lung-cancer or a heart attack. And I can drink 'til I puke and not go home smelling like a sweaty ashtray at the end of the night. It's a win-win situation."
Ironically, though, it is precisely because Debbie and millions like her no longer smell like the ubiquitous sweaty ashtray that losers have emerged. Amongst these are the toiletry manufacturers, who have seen a sharp decline in sales of their products, and in particular shampoo, during the first month of the ban.
Debbie's friend, Lucinda Poll-Vacant, sheds light on this phenomenon: "I used to have to wash my hair every time I went to the pub, because of the sweaty ashtray smell. Since the ban, I wake up every morning and my hair smells so clean. I haven't washed it once since the ban came in."
Dry-cleaning outlets have also reported a worrying decline in business. When interviewed, a decidedly gloomy Mr. Kevin O'Hell, manager of Dry-Eezycleen, Same Day Kleening, Newark told us that, "While I, like every other right-thinking member of the bovine public, applaud this government's stance on smoking in public places, it's been a bugger for the dry-cleaning industry. People are no longer coming in with items smelling like a sweaty ashtray. Now we only get stuff that's genuinely dirty."
So: shampoo producers, dry-cleaners and sweaty ashtrays - all losers in the war against smoking.
