Psycho Stuart Pearce Named As U21 Boss

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 20 July 2007

image for Psycho Stuart Pearce Named As U21 Boss
Pearce sails away from Lancaster Gate yesterday

Stuart Pearce, the ex-Manchester City manager, has been named by the Royal Navy as the Kapitan of the most recent addition to its fleet of futuristic submarines, the U21.

Pearce, 45, has been in temporary charge of the vessel since January, but has now had his position ratified by Navy High Command in Westminster.

Psycho, as he is known at sea, is famous for his reactions after slotting away a penalty against Spain at Wembley during the Euro 96 championships. As he stood, apoplectic, in front of the massed ranks of England fans, he summed up in one pose, the feelings of an entire nation united against foreign threats.

A former footballer who played for Coventry, Nottingham Forest, Newcastle, West Ham and Manchester City, Pearce was renowned for his terrier-like tackling and his sea dog mentality.

Now, he is ready to fire 'a few more torpedoes' as the skipper of U21.

Pearce already has 'battle experience' under his belt, having recently sailed to Holland to engage the Dutch fleet in, what turned out to be, a narrow defeat. Being far from sunk, he now takes his crew to Bristol in August to, hopefully, blow the Romanian Navy out of the water.

All eyes at the Admiralty will be watching U21 very closely.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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