Nixon Returns from the Dead to Comment on Candidate Fred Thompson

Written by Gail Farrelly

Friday, 20 July 2007

image for Nixon Returns from the Dead to Comment on Candidate Fred Thompson
What does he know about Thompson and when did he know it?

The former president is not impressed with the possible presidential candidacy of 'Law & Order' star Fred Dalton Thompson, who served (in the 1970s when he was 30 years old) as investigative counsel for the Senate Watergate committee.

Nixon held a press conference today in Grand Central Station, after mysteriously appearing on Wednesday in the huge clouds of smoke that emerged on the streets of New York after the explosion of a steam pipe. The former President, accompanied by his famous and well-loved cocker spaniel Checkers, wants the world to know what he thinks of Thompson. "As I said in the Watergate Tapes many years ago, the guy's not very smart." He is, however, "friendly," Nixon admitted.

"So what if he went on to become an actor and a senator from Tennessee! Isn't that pretty much the same thing?" Nixon asked.

According to the former president, Thompson was just about smart enough to be able to memorize his lines to play the role of District Attorney Arthur Branch on the 'Law & Order' series. "To put him in charge of the Oval Office and to have him as a major spokesman for the free world would really be pushing it," he declared. Checkers, at his master's side, happily barked his agreement of this assessment. "See," Nixon said, "Checkers knows I'm right. Even a dog can spot a guy that's just not that smart."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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