Washington DC - (Ass Mess): "Last time round we found a number of articles," a White House medical source said today, "including a vibrating-tone cell phone set permanently at 'ON', a pair of handcuffs inscribed with Jeff Gannon's initials, a rubber hairbrush, five gold eagles and a minature address book stuffed with North Korean telephone numbers."
The statement from the White House's resident proctologist comes amid news reports that George W Bush is to undergo his favorite medical procedure this Saturday and temporarily transfer power to Vice President Cheney for a period of just under one hour.
The examination will be ultra high-tech of course. In olden days it used to be a case of on with the rubber gloves and two fingers straight up with a long-lens microscope.
Nowadays the medical procedure that George W Bush will undergo under sedation this Saturday is a little more refined and uses a high-tech probe like a remote-controlled periscope although the end result amounts to much the same.
The colonoscopy is scheduled for Saturday so that the White House proctologist can get another peek at the President's inner sanctum to see what's lurking in those unfathomable depths.
It will be carried out at the Camp David presidential retreat and will be video-linked to the Pentagon "just in case Saddam's missing WMDs or some such devices are finally located".
The colonoscopy is considered the best way to examine the Presidential state of mind and may yet provide the best evidence of whether he is fit to be indicted on war crimes charges.
The White House has vehemently denied that YouTube hackers may be able to penetrate the Camp David video link to the Pentagon but have promised to take extra care given the market price that such footage commands of a top-end seven figure price these days.
