Dracula Castle For Sale In Transylvania
The famous Dracula's Castle, the Translyvanian landmark once home of Vlad the Impaler and also known as Bran Castle, is up for sale in Romania. The sale price is estimated to be about $135 million in U.S. dollars.
Read full storyUS diplomat's death suicide?
Washington DC - (Ass Mess): The Pentagon has come out strongly in favor of a suicide theory behind the mysterious death of US diplomat Lieutenant-Colonel Thomas Mooney, 45, a defense attache in Cyprus.
Read full storyIndicators to be optional on new Fords
Car manufacturers Ford have bowed to mounting pressure and finally agreed to make indicators an optional extra on all cars produced for the UK market from 1st September this year.
Read full storySalman Rushdie dumped by wife No #4
London - (Rioters): Salman Rushdie's fourth wife Padma Lakshmi is divorcing him after the furor his recent knighthood caused in Asian countries across the world where he is seen as a Mossad spy sucking off Nazi squatters in Buckingham Palace.
Read full storyEighth Glasgow terror attack arrest: cops hold 'top IRA man'
Glasgow - (Ass Mess): Police in Paisley, Scotland have said they have arrested a "top IRA man" in connection with the car bomb attempt to blow up Glasgow Airport.
Read full storyThousands of seats empty at concert promoting William and Harry
Wembley Stadium - (Ass Mess): Over ten thousand tickets remained unsold at yesterday's Wembley concert promoting William and Harry's claims to be sons of the late Diana, Princess of Wales.
Read full storyShooting Statistics -- Washington vs Iraq
WASHINGTON D.C. (Statistic Institute) -- Regardless of where you stand on the issue of the U.S. involvement in Iraq, there is one sobering statistic we can't escape.
Read full storyHilton, Lohan, Spears, Duff star in Where The Boys Are remake
HOLLYWOOD (EXCLUSIVE) -- Sleepworks SKG may produce a 21st century remake of "Where The Boys Are" (working title: Left Tit Showing) summer 2008. The movie is set to star Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Hilary Duff, an indus...
Read full storyIreland to leave European Union
The European Parliament in Brussels was in uproar this afternoon after Ireland's Prime Minister Bertie Ahern announced to a hastily convened meeting of EU Heads of State that Ireland would no longer be a member state nor would they continue using...
Read full storyJohn McCain's Plan Backfired
CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Iowa - John McCain's influence in keeping Ron Paul out of the Iowa Christian Alliance Republican debate backfired when Ron Paul showed up to greet over 1000 of his supporters in his own meeting next door. There were 1000 s...
Read full story$ign Of The Times: Rolex By Hezbollah
(Geneva--Switzerland) That fake Rolex you buy on the street could be funding terrorist activities, according to witnesses testifying before the Senate Homeland Security Subcommittee. The bad news, it still will be funding terrorist activities. The go...
Read full storySports Gene Found In Men
(Princeton) - Scientists at Princeton have discovered a new male gene that predisposes some men to have an avid interest in sports. The "sports" gene occurs most commonly in younger men, 18-39.
Read full storyMaxwell Smart Memoirs Deliver Truth Behind JFK Assassination
Memoirs of the late Maxwell Smart, a secret agent who worked many years for C.O.N.T.R.O.L., revealed the long, unknown truth about the assassination of John Fitzgerald Kennedy. The former President was shot in Dealey Plaza in Dallas, Texas in 1963.
Read full story"You screwed up bigtime over Chevron Texaco owners" Putin slams Poppy Bush
Kennebunkport, Maine - (Ass Mess): "Just what kind of shit do you imagine you got me into Mr President?" sobbed Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin to his Kennebunkport host George Bush Senior today.
Read full storyOverhead Projectors considered 'dangerous'
According to research carried out by the BBC, it seems that overhead Projectors are, in fact, alive and dangerous.
Read full storyMossad suicide spook linked to London terror gang
Glasgow - (Ass Mess): Marwan Ashraf, the billionaire ex-Mossad/KGB spook who mysteriously fell to his death from the ground floor balcony of his London flat last week in a typical double agent-style suicide, may have been the recruitment brains behin...
Read full storyBoffins invent indoor smoking device
With the recent ban on smoking in public area's around the UK, boffins have invented an indoor smoking device to combat the loss of working hours affecting industry.
Read full storyWhy are people offended by porn?
I was on the Flickr Photo web site the other day with my lady friend. We stumbled upon a picture of a nude woman with her legs spread.
Read full storyBrilliant NHS necrologist is UK terror gang leader
New Scotland Yard, London - (Ass Mess): The top suspect of the London and Glasgow Al Qaeda car bombers is a brilliant necrologist working for the NHS, police have said today.
Read full storyBritney Spears and her Bra Fashion Faux Pas
Last night, Britney put on her black panties, her black hose, her black short shorts, her black see-through lace top, her black shoes, her gray newsboy hat, her black sun glasses, grabbed her black bag, ...and wore a purple bra. The secret is now...
Read full storyLoud Music Could Send You Deaf, Warn Doctors
Analysts looking into the causes of long-time hearing problems have discovered an alarming link between deafness and loud music, says a recent report.
Read full storyCar Bomb At Glasgow Airport Was A Protest Against Smoking Ban, Say Police
The attempted bombing of Glasgow Airport on Saturday, was most likely a protest against the Government's new Smoking Ban, say Police.
Read full story'Darker' Potter drug orgy scene set to shock parents
The eighteenth instalment of JK Rowling's Harry Potter series will shock it's young fans critics are warning. Harry Potter and the Elixir of Rave will show teen heart-throb Daniel Radcliffe's character 'up to his pimply neck in high quality drugs...
Read full storyFopp Records To Hold Massive CD Giveaway
Fopp, the record store that called in the administrators last weekend, is to hold a massive unprecedented giveaway of stock to loyal customers.
Read full storyWhite House Stench Needs Clean Sweep: Hillary Clinton
MIAMI (FMLiveWire) - Exterminators and fumigators are now bidding to perform a "clean sweep" of the White House. The sweep is needed because President Bush has fostered "a culture of cronyism, corruption and incompetence" Hillary...
Read full storyPregnant Woman Defeats Kobayashi in Hot Dog Eating Contest
Coney Island, New York - 29-year-old competitive eater, Takeru 'The Tsunami' Kobayashi, has been upstaged by a woman in her first trimester of pregnancy during the annual Nathan's Famous Hot Dog Eating contest.
Read full storyDesperate 'House Husband' Attempts Hara-Kiri Over TV Programming
SEATTLE (Post-Intelligencer) - A stay-at-home dad attempted ritual suicide after being exposed to too many women's interest TV programs.
Read full storyChurch "Theme Hymns" By Organization
In a standard church hymnal, there are a lot of songs. The titles of some lend themselves to humor. For example, tell a child vocally that there is one called "Gladly the Cross I'd Bear" (there is really a hymn by that title) and they will hear "Gladly, the Cross-Eyed Bear."...
Read full storyPresident Bush Changes His Name
President George W. Bush held a press conference this morning and announced that he has legally changed his name to Jorge Arbusto. Jorge is Spanish for George and Arbusto is Spanish for Bush. Hence, he will now be known as El Presidente Jorge Arbus...
Read full storyTexas Expands Capital Punishment To Include Traffic Offenses
July 1 is the beginning of the fiscal year in many polities around the country. As such, many new pieces of legislation become active. For example, in the state of Virginia, draconian penalties for traffic violations are now in place which include...
Read full storyGlasgow Airport Unfazed by Attack
Security has been tightened around Scotland's premier exit point for Scots wishing to emigrate and find a job after a Jeep full of smokers was allegedly driven into the entrance of Glasgow Airport in order to protest at the ban on smoking in Engl...
Read full storyHamas Joins Fatah in Buyout Bid for Israel
Palestinian groups Hamas and Fatah set aside their differences yesterday and announced they would work together along with private equity firms to buy out Israel for an estimated price of $1 trillion. Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert had no officia...
Read full storyRon Paul Comes Forward With Universal Health Care Plan
Republican presidential candidate Ron Paul spoke today about the need for a sound health care system. In his speech he set forth his own proposal for universal health care.
Read full storyDick Armey & Barney Frank: Fraternal Twins Separated Since Birth
Fargo, North Dakota (The Forum of Fargo-Moorhead) - Former Texas Representative Richard Keith "Dick" Armey and current Massachusetts Representative Barnett "Barney" Frank are actually fraternal twins.
Read full storyBox Cutters to Come With Warning
Denver - Box cutters will soon come with a written warning in much the same way that cigarettes do.
Read full storyTheSpoof.com Writer Falls Short of Satirical Freefall Goal
US and A (ESPN) - As part of the latest X Games circuit, SpaceElevator fell short of his attempt to contribute ninety pieces of satire in thirty days. Before the event the fledgling remarked, "I am not very good with numbers, but I think that&#...
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