Loud Music Could Send You Deaf, Warn Doctors

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 2 July 2007

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Kids are most at risk

Analysts looking into the causes of long-time hearing problems have discovered an alarming link between deafness and loud music, says a recent report.

Doctors at the Ministry Of Sound Ear Clinic in London, say that, prolonged exposure to music played at a level of 15,000 decibels or more, can cause irreparable damage to a person's hearing, and may even render the person dumb.

Other effects include a ringing in the ears, loss of balance, earache and inadvertent jerking movements, much like dancing.

Youngsters are the most at risk, especially if they endure extremely loud music for more than 10 hours per day, or if they stand next to an amplifier whilst sleeping.

Professor Quentin Tippe, part of the team doing the analysing, said:

"We found that people who go to pubs and clubs are at risk, and those who frequent discos, bashes and raves are putting their hearing in serious danger, especially if the music is loud. We've seen one case where a man was listening to music so loud, it dislodged the wax from his ears."

But music lovers seemed unconcerned.

Donna Allnight of Sheffield, was asked if she was worried about losing the service of her ears, and said:


Another raver, Tracey Tripper, was asked if she had felt any ringing in her filthy lugs after listening to loud music.

"Eh?" she said.

The report has met with opposition primarily from entertainment bosses and organisers of dance events. Peter Tinnitus who wrote the dour 1975 BBC drama series I Didn't Know You Cared and now works as a bouncer at a nightclub, said:

"I heard that! Pardon?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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