Chelsea Supporters Write New Chant for Manchester United
LONDON (Heewack News Network) -- A new season approaches for the English Premier League--and for Chelsea FC supporters, a change of heart and best wishes to their good friends at Manchester United.
Read full storyProperty prices plummet as Heather Mills moves into country des res
Wessex, England - (Daftass Press): Property prices have slumped in the heart of the South East England stockbroker belt where Heather Mills has pitched up along with her retinue of bodyguards, domestic servants, macrobiotic vegan shamans and hired hi...
Read full storyDrunken Tennessee pastor offers cops blow job to escape indecency rap
Washington County, Tennessee - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): A drunken fundamentalist pastor who spreads the word on evangelical Christian radio was arrested today after tempting highway partol officers with an offer of oral sex.
Read full storyBrown announces existence of UFOs
People around the world have long been spotting alleged UFOs in our skies. Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced today that the mysterious objects are in fact part of an international spy program.
Read full storyU.N. Troops Sent To Wrong Place
(New York) - In a major logistical error 26,000 U.N. peacekeeping troops, instead of being deployed to the African region of Darfur, were sent to a local golf course in nearby Queens, New York.
Read full storyBush announces candidacy for third term
Today the White House announced that President Bush would be seeking his party's nomination for a third term as President.
Read full storyIt's hard out there for a typist
I work as a typist in a Manufacturing MNC, and am considered one of the best in this country. But you know what? It's just not worth it! You slog you arse, burn the midnight oil, work when the whole world is sleeping, all in order to become a typist. Then after you've become one, the stark reality hits you-kaboom- It just wasn't worth it!...
Read full storyAlaska in turmoil as corruption probe digs deep beneath the political perma-frost
Anchorage, Alaska - (Ass Mess): Years of well-buried collusion, corruption, graft, embezzlement, bribery, witness-subornment and machiavellian shenanignas worthy of the Borgias are coming to light in the frozen wastes of oil-rich Alaska following a...
Read full storyNRA award for 'best friend' King George as man shot in the back
Memphis, Tennessee - (Rioters): The National Rifle Association is recommending its highest award for King George, a resident of Raleigh, near Memphis after a 21 year old man was accidentally shot in the back today.
Read full storyRumsfeld Investigated in Bird Flu Scam
Washington D.C. (IP) - Former Secretary of Offense Donald De Rumsfelt is being investigated for his role in a world wide scam designed to make billions of dollars in profits based on a phony bird flu scam. Washington DC Special Prosecutor Poindexte...
Read full storyFish Drowning Worldwide
Atlantic Ocean (IP) - Scintist aboard the submersible craft with the very French sounding name of Voulez Vouz Couche Avec Un Poisson have discovered that fish everywhere are drowning. They believe that the fish suddenly realized that they had no nos...
Read full storyDick Cheney Accidentally Shoots Britney Spears
(Washington, D.C.) Dick Cheney seems to have his eye on bigger game than long time Republican supporters like Harry Whittington, an alleged 911 call from the Cheney household late last evening claimed that the Vice President, while Tivo-ing a Britney...
Read full storyInterview with Sir John Cleggs-Bennett. Part 1
Sir John Cleggs-Bennett (now deceased) was not your ordinary type of man. It is only because of his fairly recent death it's now possible to publish the transcripts of his interview with me. Just to put the importance of this event into context, this is the only interview he allowed to take place and be transcribed.
Read full storyNo penis on Wal-Mart's Jesus dolls
New York - (Ass Mess): "It was a commercial as well as ethical decision," a Wal-Mart spokesman asid today in reply to questions about just how life-like the retailer's Jesus dolls really are.
Read full storyBA: the world's favorite price fixer fined £350 million
Heathrow Airport, London - (Disastrous Press): BA has been fined a total of £350 million for screwing over passengers with exorbitant fuel surcharges which they then lied about while paying its fatcat bosses outrageous productivity bonuses.
Read full storyNew DeLorean orders: Ford go back to drawing board
With the threat of the DeLorean going back into full production, some 25 years after the last one rolled off the line, Ford have today announced plans to reissue the Model T.
Read full storyManchester City Owner's Human Rights Abuses 'Weren't That Bad'
The lawyer of new Manchester City football club owner Thaksin Shinawatra has said that, although the ex-Thai Prime Minister has abused the Thai people's Human Rights, the degree of abuse...
Read full storyGroundhog Day...It Could Be Nearer Than You Think
Forget Christmas and put New Year on the back burner because if bonkers Brussels bureaucrats have their way then Europe will soon be stuck permanently in July.
Read full storyGordon Brown will not intervene in the ownership of Southampton FC
Looney Labour Leader and newly promoted UK President Gordon Brown will not intervene in the ownership of football clubs despite fresh concerns over new Southampton owner Osama Bin Laden.
Read full storyFlood waters receding; Ark not finished
As is usual with large building projects in the UK, the Ark that is being built in Tewkesbury in response to the flooding is not yet ready for launch, and is already £15m over budget. The project was immediately put a week behind schedule when three...
Read full storyKer-Ching! As Fish-Flogging Fast Food Chain Is Squids In
Fish-flogging fast food chain, Harry Ramsden, is hoping to boost its fortunes with a new gourmet range and believes that it will have the squids ringing through its tills.
Read full storyUN aid for United Kingdom
In an unexpected move today, the UN promised $250 trillion USD in aid for the "impoverished" United Kingdom today.
Read full storyBreaking News - Bin Laden found
Osama Bin Laden was discovered today living in England and living a peaceful life as a North East entrepreneur.
Read full storyHMV Plans Massive Fopp Clear-Out
HMV, the music and book retailer, has secured a deal to buy the Fopp brand and will shortly reopen all of its stores.
Read full storyRupert Murdoch buys Wall Street Journal, says next he'll buy England
You can bet serious money - $1.00 even - that the news about the sale of The Wall Street Journal and the rest of Dow Jones & Company in today's spoof websites will be fully and ferociously reported, with a quarter given to Rupert Murdoch.
Read full storyCuban Bassist Israel 'Cachao' Lopez In Name War with Disney's Pixar Studios
"That freakin' car Lightning McQueen thinks he can use my name as a catch-phrase. I can't believe it. Ka-Chow? I got your Ka-Chow right here McQueen! One phone call and I'll have you in a chop-shop so fast…" Cachao, an 88 year o...
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