Written by Duff

Wednesday, 1 August 2007

image for Groundhog Day...It Could Be Nearer Than You Think
Dear Diary, things seem to be blending together these days

Forget Christmas and put New Year on the back burner because if bonkers Brussels bureaucrats have their way then Europe will soon be stuck permanently in July.

The dippy date idea is part of a new pan-European directive that says the continent will benefit immeasurably from the change.

Franc Planc, MEP for Paris told us:

"Eet is an idea fantastique! If eet is always ze summeur zen zer will be no winteur and eeveryboty eez hoppy, non?"

But staunch pro-Britain campaigner, Tommy Atkins, retorts:

"What a bleedin' liberty! To fink that I fought in a war to preserve our identity and then to be faced with this!! Over my dead body mate. I'm off now for some pie and mash! I'm 84 you know? And these are still all my own teef!"

However Tommy's protest may be in vain as it's thought that from July 1st next year all calendars will be torn up and every subsequent day will also become July 1st.

Oxford Street retailers are said to be less than keen about the perfectly potty proposals and their spokesman told us:

"I don't think much of this idea to tell the truth and I suspect that my members won't now be able to jack up prices like they used to in the run up to Christmas"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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