Pope, Bush, Bin Laden, to Visit Rutgers
(Vatican City Internet Cafe) -- If I didn't believe this I wouldn't have believed it. His Holiness Pope Benedict XXVI is coming to Rutgers. President Bush is also coming to Rutgers. And Osama Bin Laden will also come to Rutgers.
Read full storyBono To Play: Duke Lacross Invites Rutgers Women's BBall To Mixer
(Neverland) -- In another display of a new wave of love, peace, and understanding permeating the American social landscape in the wake of the Imus "Slur heard 'round the world," The Duke University Men's Lacrosse team, largely white...
Read full storyThe End's Not Near It's Here
Soap fans in America were devastated when the season 4 finale of the popular TV Series The O.C. "The End's not near it's Here" aired last night.
Read full storyPotterCOM Introduces New Product
Last week PotterCOM introduced the WAND. A thin long device which you activate by waving it and saying an activation key Wingardium Leviosa. After which, you must also say a wand-phone number and it makes the call.
Read full storyJackson, Sharpton, Christ, Prince Harry Praise Imus
(SEACAUCUS, NJ) As CBS removed the last plank under Shock Jock Don Imus, whose racial and sexist slur, blah, blah, blah, Rev Jesse Jackson, Rev Al Sharpton, J C of N, & HRH Prince Harry praised the disgraced broadcaster for all his charity work and h...
Read full storySeries of explosions in Iraq obliterates entire country
The country formerly known as Iraq has literally been "blown off the map" in a chain of explosions that has eradicated the nation's entire landmass, leaving nothing but a gaping hole that is rapidly filling up with seawater.
Read full storyClearest yet genetic link to stupidity, pot noodle consumption etc
Oxford University - (Dumb Press): Scientists have found the clearest connection ever between congenital stupidity and regular pot noodle consumption.
Read full storyPresident Bush becomes a Democrat
Washington -- President George W. Bush today announced that he would be leaving the Republican Party and joining the Democratic Party.
Read full storyWorld Bank Chief apologizes for crappy socks, crappy girlfriend
Washington DC - (Penurious Press): World Bank president Paul Wolfowitz has apologised for appearing in public without first darning his moth-eaten socks which clearly upset many international financial institutions that thought he was paid a big enou...
Read full storyIran suspected as six vanish following vessel capsize off Scotland
North Sea - (Rioters): Iranian gunboat forces are the prime suspects tonight in the disappearance of six people who vanished after an oil rig support vessel capsized in the North Sea.
Read full storyAmerican Idol's Country Music Week Brings out the Cowboy in Sanjaya
This week, the remaining seven American Idol finalists will sing their hearts out to the theme of country music in hopes of winning America's vote and surviving another week in the competition. Country singer Martina McBride will serve as their m...
Read full storyCheney Caught Showing Sensitive Side
Leaked information from a security camera inside Dick Cheney's residence showed his pregnant lesbian daughter, Mary, dozing on the sofa after a large family meal. The Vice President was sitting next to her, talking into her belly button.
Read full storyBush Says Democrats Don't Care About Our Troops or Our Embryos
After the Democrat-led Senate passed new legislation seeking to allow federal funding for cutting-edge embryonic stem cell research, a peeved President Bush announced that he would veto yet another bill.
Read full storyDisgruntled golfer complains to God!
Dear God, For most of my life I have made You part of my life. Really, I opened my doors and asked you in. I've been to Church regul...
Read full storyIf I Did It - OJ Simpson
With recent Court clearance, Fred Goldman has decided to purchase the rights to and publish the shocking confessional; "If I Did It," by OJ Simpson. Here's a peek...
Read full storyDeath Takes Vacation In Hawaii
TOMBSTONE, NETHERVOID--(NECRO PRESS) "After being on the job, what looks like...Forever! I decided to take a break from all the doom & gloom and step out among the living to smell the flowers" says our even...
Read full storyParis Hilton Jailed for Suspended License
LOS ANGELES COUNTY JAIL, CALIFORNIA-- (ARCHITECTURAL DIGEST) After being warned countless times, the law has reached the end of its' rope. The Honorable Traffic Court Judge E.Z. Street, threw the book and sentenced Paris, Hilton...
Read full storyThink Before You Flush
Despite predictions of a hot summer for the UK, water companies and weather forecasters have said droughts are unlikely, though they haven't ruled out having to reuse 'bathroom waters'.
Read full storyUK gender ID disorder man crowned prophet of Hindu goddess
Gujarat State - (Reuterus): A Leicestershire gender disorder man has been crowned as the reincarnation of the prophet of Hindu eunuch deity Bahuchar Mata without the intervention of tricky surgery.
Read full storyLaura's Lament: "I can't stop smiling."
In an emotional interview with CBS news anchor Katie Couric, Laura Bush revealed that she is undergoing treatment for a rare medical disorder called fachus sardonicus (commonly known as Eternal Smile), which is distantly related to risus sardonicus (...
Read full storyNike Drop Tiger Woods After "Bushes" Rumpus
Sportswear giant Nike have dropped their no. 1 golf star, plastic-looking Tiger Woods, from their sponsorship roster, after he was discovered committing a lewd act at last week's Masters tourname...
Read full storyScientists Discover new Species
Scientists have recently discovered a new species the Psarigi (or Land Fish). It is believed this is a prehistoric animal which has evaded the evolutionary process and is a direct descendent of most living mammals.
Read full storyJackson, Sharpton, Christ Protest Santa Claus's "Ho Ho Ho"
(NORTH POLE) -- Consternation raged today among Santa's elves and other residents of this once-jolly community as spiritual leaders Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and Jesus Christ of Nazareth expanded their protest of the use of the word "Ho&qu...
Read full storyJesus Tomb scholars admit they were pulling Cameron's leg
The Wailing Wall - (Rotters): Eminent scholars who egged on The Lost Tomb of Jesus documentary director James Cameron into believing that a load of old Ancient Amercian Order of the Skull 'n' Bones (Osteoporosis Division) rubbish was real sac...
Read full storyChevron shareholders laughing all the way to the bank as Condi fumes
San Ramon, California - (Ass Mess): Shareholders of US energy giant Chevron Corporation are laughing all the way to the bank amid news that details of some immensely successful lawsuits that saw US Secretary of State thrown off their board are soon t...
Read full storySpate of pre-Mile High Club warm-ups discovered at Ralph Fiennes VIP Lounge in Atlanta Airport
Atlanta - (Rioters): Undercover cops probing unusual air travel patterns at the Ralph Fiennes VIP Lounge in Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport have arrested more than 30 people in three months for indecent exposure and public sex acts.
Read full storyHappy as Larry
Nassau, Bahamas - (Reuterus): No Friday the Thirteenth fears for Larry Birkhead has as he awaits tomorrow's hearing to decide who will raise his seven-month-old daughter Dannielynn.
Read full storyTarzan Star Cheeta Gets To 100
A special cinematic milestone was passed yesterday, when Cheeta the chimp, the star of the early Tarzan films, celebrated his 100th birthday.
Read full storyMadonna Rejects Baby David
News in today has revealed that Madonna is planning to take baby David back to Malawi in an attempt to get her money back. A source close to the ancient pop singer with pointed breasts, told us that she had been very disappointed with her purchase an...
Read full storyKerry White House 2008 decision amid cancer return fears
Washington DC - (ReUterus & Ass Mess): The Democrats' 2004 White House contender John Kerry fears that if his former prostate cancer returns he may have no choice but to declare himself a contender for the 2008 White House presidential election.
Read full storyPop Queen Kylie in Ferret Addiction Hell
Aussie pop sausage Kylie Minogue has been admitted to hospital after revealing that she has developed a serious addiction to Ferrets. This news come only weeks after fellow pop icon Robbie Williams was discovered to have been dealing with a Weasel pr...
Read full storyPrince Harry to Replace Don Imus
(NYC) -- Beating back other contenders for the time slot of former shock jock Don Imus, HRH Prince Harry has won the coveted drive-time slots to broadcast his own unique mix of politics, current events, sports, and humour, as he spells it.
Read full storyNapster Founder Shawn Fanning Offended by Don Imus's "Nappy-haired" Comment
Shawn Fanning, creator of the ground-breaking, but now discontinued MP3 file-sharing system "Napster," criticized radio shock-jock Don Imus, for what he called "gross insensitivity."...
Read full storySpank the Sock Monkey! CDC Campaign for SaferMasturbation
Anal sex has been rectified as the most risky business; vaginal good vibrations comes next on the Center's no-no list, and oral acts have been elevated to the "more trouble than we dreamt" category. All this has been either accepted or...
Read full storyPenCheney gives Bushguin a Wing!
In the age of March and Happy Feet, aka the Year of the Pinguino, the Republican party has found a clever way to rival the Democrats' fundraising romantic explosion on the belly of America. Up till now the Repube-licans have been limited to a few...
Read full storySharpton, Jackson, Christ, Satan Vie For Imus Time Slot on MSNBC
(Center of the Universe, NYC) -- The Son of God, Paradise, and Prince of Darkness, Hades, were locked in a bidding war last night as NBC announced that the time slot occupied pre 4/11 by former Shock Jock Don Imus would be available to other responsi...
Read full storyPopeye Retires to Fire Island!
Fire Island the East Coast Summer Gay Playground. south of Provincetown, the Cape Cod Glay Payground has often been the vacation or retirement place of choice for GLBTetc folk. As the Village People taught us, Gay comes in many ways, Indian, construc...
Read full storyImus Sacked - Will Karl Rove Be Next?
(West Wing) -- In the wake of broadcaster NBC's sacking of Shock Jock Don Imus, 67, there is growing concern in entertainment and political circles that a new wave of sensitivity and tolerance, or at least political correctness, may be on the ris...
Read full storyPolitical Disease Competition Heats Up
The Republicans have taken the lead in the 2008 race for the White House with an announcement by former Tennessee Senator Fred Thomas that he is living with Lymphoma. This means that there are now two Republicans with major diseases compared to the...
Read full storyJackson Family To Star In New Reality Show
A new "Pop Dynasty" television series to star the Jackson family will air soon on CBS. Members of the Jackson 5 will star as judges to help select a new musical "family" much the same way American Idol selects a single singer. M...
Read full storyBritney, Paris and Antonella to star in violent Tarantino 'Chick Flick'
It's no secret that Quentin Tarantino enjoys the shock factor in his movies, that all important car crashy scene where you know you should be looking away but you just have to look, think Michael Madsen giving someone a Van Gogh and you get the p...
Read full storyCome To Shettyland!
Britain continues its love fest with Shilpa Shetty. In a desperate bid to prove that we are not all bigoted, racist bullies, plans where unveiled today for a theme park dedicated to the sexy bollywood star and winner of Celebrity Big Brother 2007.
Read full storyMexican Complaints Cause PBS To Change Ken Burns' WWII Documentary
Complaints by Mexican Americans a new PBS documentary by Ken Burns was not including them has caused the network to go back and shoot additional footage. LULAC, the League of United Latin American Citizens, protested that no Mexican Americans were i...
Read full storyPresidential Candidate Fred Thompson Beats Edwards By Having His Own Cancer
In an announcement that will slow down the John Edwards campaign publicity, Senator and actor Fred Thompson said that he himself has cancer. The former Law and Order star said that he will not allow this to affect his running for President of the Un...
Read full storyDanny "Partridge" Bonaduce Getting A Divorce
Danny Bonaduce, who became famous as Danny Partridge of televisions "The Partridge Family" was served with divorce papers by his wife of sixteen years. The actor/reality show star/radio personality seemed to take it in stride and admitted...
Read full storyGod in Rehab
"They tried to make me go to rehab but I said no no no." - This may have been fine for singer and light entertainer, Amy Winehouse, but for God this proved to be his undoing.
Read full storyNBC Follows Obama, Fires Imus, But "The Decider" Still Silent
(30 ROCK) -- A week after Shock Jock and Rapper Wannabe Don Imus first used a slur referring to student athletes that has plunged the US into a 24/7 discussion of race, sex, respect, and tolerance during a week holy to Christians, Muslims, & Jews, N...
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