Spank the Sock Monkey! CDC Campaign for SaferMasturbation

Written by Pointer

Thursday, 12 April 2007

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Safer Masturbation promoted by the CDC

Anal sex has been rectified as the most risky business; vaginal good vibrations comes next on the Center's no-no list, and oral acts have been elevated to the "more trouble than we dreamt" category. All this has been either accepted or begrudgingly acknowledged by the various bone dance crews in the sex mardi gras parades in the nola we call Carnal Knowledge.

No one expected that the Former Surgeon General Jocelyn Elders endorsed handparty would run afoul of Bush CDC sex police! Butt it has!

Simple playing until natural genital explosion (SPUNGE) has now made it to the CDC list of somewhat possible risky bizness (SPRB) . The CDC website that has, under Bush leadership, expunged condom information, added sex myths about abortion and cancer and SPUNGE and blindness and warts, now, trumpets the warning that trumpeting the infected genitals of yourself and others can get you really, really sick!

Warts, Herpes, sterility, impotence and bubonic plague have all been identified as possible outcomes of spanking the monkey or the monkette.

More liberal organizations have sought to balance CDC extremism with the message that placing a sock or a sock-like dam over the monkey will reduce the risk of contracting or spreading the black death.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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